Things I Don't Understand...

 This world is a strange, beautiful, confusing, amazing, and weird place. And sometimes very annoying. This is what's bothering me today:

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

1.  HOW MANY TIMES DOES MICHAEL MYERS HAVE TO BE KILLED BEFORE HE'S REALLY DEAD? What are we up to, like Halloween 6? Enough. There are so many great authors out there with fabulous scary stories. Make one of their books into a movie and move on from Michael, Jason, Freddy, the Blair Witch, etc. 

2. When you record a show, like, say the Buccaneers vs. Falcons game (Go Tom Brady!), or, a favorite TV show like Manifest, and it goes over a few minutes, the last few are cut off so I MISS THE ENDING!!!!!! I hate that. It made me say some bad words. Cut out a few commercials so it doesn't run past time! (At least I can watch it online... but still!)

3. How come we don't see more women like Halle Berry, Angelica Houston, Bette Midler, and other greats? These women are fabulous, yet... we see all roles played by 20-30 somethings. 

4. Why are most people ignorant when it comes to using apostrophes? "...more record's will be..." NONONONONONONO. NO APOSTROPHE! If it's plural, just add an s. If you're showing possession, like "Mikey's car" then yes, apostrophe and s. For all that's (contraction of that and is so yes, an apostrophe!) holy, LEARN THIS! 

5. WHY do my cats just nibble their food, then walk away, only to sneak back to eat from the other's bowl? IT'S THE SAME FOOD. EVERY. DAY.

There are a lot of things that annoy me and I don't understand, but I'll stop here. Next post, only positive things, to balance the energies.

Till then,

PEACE!

Char

To Boldly Go...

 Photo by Jens Johnsson from Pexels

In a new direction. 

(And yes, I know that's grammatically frowned on- split infinitives. It should be: Boldly, to go... or To go boldly.... Humor me).

First, I went to Home Depot and my library without a mask. I'm fully vaccinated and there weren't many people in the buildings. I felt like a rebel, or even one of those people who selfishly buck CDC guidelines. Even with relaxing guidelines, I still felt BOLD. 

My new writing direction is romances. I still have some sci fi, paranormal, young adult, new adult, and middle grade novels to be pubbed, but they are on a back burner for the time being. The reason for going with romance? It's one of the largest selling markets. Humans just love the idea of being in, falling in, and staying in love. That's reason enough to venture into this market. I'm as big a sap for a good love story as anyone. But another reason is there seems to be (so far) less politics. The companies that publish romances have such a broad base that there's room for everyone. I'm not saying that they shouldn't broaden their diversity- I'm just saying there's alot of room. And, it seems that so far (fingers crossed) celebrities are sticking to writing children's books. So while there are a LOT of romance authors, we don't have to worry about a celebrity stealing the spotlight and money that could benefit a number of authors for whom writing is their livelihood.

I'm hoping to hear from a publisher soon about the trilogy I've just finished. I'll keep you posted. Wish me luck.

In the meantime, wishing you all LOVE, in whatever form makes you happy-

Char

Help Needed: English Pros and Non-Tech People

 Sometimes I wonder who creates and checks the Microsoft word processing software. I'm not talking about making the software run or fixing glitches, I'm talking about their so called 'grammar' expert.

(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)

'Cause they ain't no expert. 

Follow:

Those annoying underline dots where they insist that a semicolon is needed. Um, no. I put a comma for a reason. Like everything else in English grammar, there are rules that can, and sometimes should, be broken or ignored. This program does not recognize any digression. Even when warranted.

When I put in a rhetorical question, it demands a question mark. Ok, I'll give them that one even though there are instances when it is so obviously not a question. AI is only as smart as we make it (so far).

The thing that bugs me the most, other than the screwy way to add and modify headers? Insisting on commas where one isn't needed. I think I know better than you, Microsoft, about commas. No, I'm absolutely positive I know where to use commas better than you. I have an English degree and a journalism degree. I've had newspaper and magazine articles, and several books published. I write my own weekly blog and a monthly post for another. I'm in the middle of writing and/or revising several books. Your word processing software was created, most likely, by a techy person who writes code, not paragraphs or books. I think you're just going to have to trust me on this. Often times your program reminds me of those instructions that come with products from other nations where English is probably the last language they use, yet they print out directions that leave English-speaking people dumbfounded- and struggling to assemble or use the product. They need to hire someone whose native language is English to proofread.

I think, besides hiring a person with strong grammar skills, you need to hire a person like me. Very little tech skills so if I can't get the program to do what I want without screaming for my tech-savvy sons to help me, then you have a problem with the way the program works, or at least you need to simplify it. I wasn't born with computers and electronic games and such in my hands like the current generations, who are most likely writing your programs. To them, it's easy (unless we're talking about grammar). You have to give us 'more creative, less techy' people a break. And your 'help' button is mostly useless. Really. If it was easy to use, I could stop being afraid of my kids moving out, leaving me in a technological panic. 

There are other issues with the program, but I'll stop here, I think the message is clear. Hire an English major when you're working with the written language.  

Have a nice day.

Char 

What Are You Trying to Write?

I not only host a critique group, but I do short critiques at SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) conferences and one day critique events. I give and get critiques. No matter how successful the writer, a critique by an objective person is essential.

There were a lot of good stories, and I was glad to offer a few helpful comments. One thing I noticed some writers struggled with: English was not their native language- and it showed. Now English is a challenge even for those of us born speaking it. It has so many ridiculous rules:

Hoof (singular) but hooves (plural).

Okay, loaf to loaves. Got the hang of it?

WAIT.

Roof to roofs.

I mean, like, what the heck?

Don't get me started on the 'i before e, except after c' rule because that works only half the time:

weird
forfeit
albeit
glacier
seize

Photo courtesy of Burst, Pexels. 

These are just two of the many exceptions. There seems to always be an exception to every English grammar/spelling/writing rule. Then, there are the issues of slang, metaphors, and multiple word meanings. I do not envy anyone having to learn English.

And this brings us to writing in English, which is even harder than speaking it. There are a number of native English speakers who can't write well, but for the English-learning group, it must be a nightmare.

Here are a few tips for those who struggle:

1-  Read your work carefully. Sometimes reading aloud helps, and unbelievably, changing the font. I know that I read aloud passages in my manuscripts when something feels just a little bit 'off.' Your brain tends to interpret your writing, skipping over mistakes, because it knows what you meant to say. Many times I've read some text, only to find I've left out words like 'to, and, for' and others. My brain unconsciously supplied the missing word in my head, but when you read aloud, the tongue only says what's actually on the paper.

2- You need a native English speaker to read the story. Whether you have a critique partner or friend who can read your manuscript (before you start getting outside critiques or submitting) this is practically non-negotiable. My husband spoke only Italian until grade school and even by the time he was doing post grad work, his writing skills were affected by being a non-native English speaker. I would read over his papers and help him with spelling, grammar, and flow.

3- Use Word features, like global search to see if you overuse certain words. I'm guilty of overusing 'just'. (It's frightening how often it appears in rough drafts.) Do you see those colored squiggly lines appear in a sentence when you write? That's Word telling you something may be amiss. The program isn't always correct, especially for the use of commas and other punctuation, but let it draw your attention. Read the line aloud; does it still seem correct? There are other programs, like  grammarly.com. which check grammar usage, the most difficult part of writing, but also spelling and punctuation. There are other programs, some of which are free, so do your homework and see which one fits your needs. Even if you have to pay for a subscription, it's worth it and will in the end save you time, money, and frustration, not to mention that you don't want to build a rep among editors and agents for being a poor writer. (Word does get around.)

4- Consider a professional editor. This can be expensive, especially if your manuscripts need a heavy editing hand. I would recommend you go through the above steps first, to reduce as many issues as possible. Then, check around with other writer friends if they use editors, what's being said about them in reviews, and what comes up when you Google them.

5- Take writing courses. Check grammar and author websites for helpful writing links. Shop around. This is time-consuming research, but vital. I have a degrees in English and journalism but I took writing classes which specialized in writing for children. Writing a chapter, middle grade, or young adult book is very different from writing for adults or a job. You have to be conscious not only of writing well, but of language usage; for example, not using college level words that your intended younger audience won't understand.

If I wanted to write a book in Spanish, it would be an onerous task because it's not my native tongue and what I learned in high school is not enough to produce a professional, polished manuscript. I admire anyone who attempts to take on the challenge of writing in a learned tongue. You have to work harder, but if you want your manuscript to get serious consideration, you must take the extra steps because editors and agents will simply reject any work that will require extensive editing. They simply don't have the time, and with so many hopeful authors out there practically tossing novel drafts at them, there's no need. There is always a slush pile, open submissions periods, and agented writers to supply them.

Good luck!

Char 

Don't Use That Word With Me!

Not a rant, exactly, but there are some words I detest. Even as a writer. Strange, right? But it's like even though I'm a cat lover, I think hairless cats are ugly. I would never harm them, but I'd never get one as a pet. Same with these words. I'd never use them because we aren't friends.


1.  'drug' vs. 'dragged.'  I don't know, it simply sounds uncouth when I hear or read something like, "I drug the truth out of him" vs. "I dragged the truth out of him." Are you with me on this? It just sounds incorrect and ignorant.

2.  'bemused.' Webster's dictionary says it means "confused, or mildly amused." Well, which is it? Sometimes I can't tell if a character is amused or confused by the context. Don't tell me "she was bemused by his outburst" because that doesn't clarify the meaning. She could be confused by his outburst, as in he had no reason for such emotion, or she could be amused, because he had no reason. Which is it??? Pick a better word.

3. 'didactic' which in case you didn't know, means, according to Webster, "Instructive, or inclined to teach or lecture others too much." No one except academics and snobby writers use that word. Had a classmate who used it all the time to impress the prof. Hint: he wasn't impressed, and neither were we.

4.  Okay, not a word, but more of a colloquial saying. "I had went shopping." Sorry, that's just wrong. "I had gone shopping." Or, better, "I went shopping." Get rid of both 'had' and 'went.' And stop making me cringe.

5. The 'n' word. It seems to me, that if a word is a slur against a whole community of people, the 'cultural appropriation' of that word by the said affected community is NOT the thing to do. I hear POC calling each other that name, and I while I know it can be meant as a greeting, it's also derogatory. It's akin to calling a woman 'bitch' in a song, or women calling another woman a bitch. It can mean that she's badass (so say that!) but it also can mean that she's a terrible person, it's meant to put her down, the same way slave owners used the 'n' word. Both words (and a few others I won't get into here) should be eradicated from vocabulary altogether. Let's not glorify them, okay?

I think maybe I'll start a list of words I strongly dislike and see where it goes. 

Until then,

Char

Please Stop, Your Story is Killing Me...

Last week I was in Los Angeles, visiting my middle son and doing touristy things. (Tip: It's very expensive to visit/live...)

Ah, the Pacific Coast Highway...

When I travel, I don't bring books (gasp!) but I load up my Kindle with new and debut authors to see what they are writing. Without mentioning the author or the title of one of three books I got, I'm putting up my editing notes on the one book I read (I was very busy). My notes, on hotel notepad paper, got jumbled in my suitcase so my comments are not in order:

1. There were too many repeated phrases, i.e. "You know that, right?" It seems every character said this multiple times.
2. If this is a YA book (and it was) STOP using "f*&%!" for the word 'fuck.' If the dialog needs the word THEN SAY THE WORD. We're all grownups here and know the word- we all use it, too.
3. I don't know how old the author is, but tired phrases like "pipe down" are only suitable for older characters. I don't know a young adult anywhere who would use that phrase. Update your vocab.
4. Almost EVERY CHARACTER winked. Read Angela Ackerman's Emotion Thesaurus to find fresher ways to physically convey emotions. Not everyone winks (I rarely, if ever, do.)
5. How can you pub a book and MISSPELL 'livelihood' and other words? Doesn't your spellcheck kick in? If you're using a cheap-o program that doesn't have spellcheck, then get a better program. If you have it but ignore it, DON'T.
6. How can anyone lie "in" a floor? I understand there are colloquialisms but this one doesn't make sense and it really irks me. You lie 'on' the floor, unless you're melding into the wood because of an errant warp in the fabric of space....
7. Basic editing: you don't need 'of' when you jump off something, i.e. 'jump off a cliff', not 'jump off of a cliff.'
8. I wonder if the author has ever been on a motorcycle because driver and passenger can't chat when the cycle is humming down the road unless they have a helmet-to-helmet communication set-up. I know, I've been on a motorcycle and it's impossible to hear. I wonder if the author hasn't seen the Progressive insurance commercial where Flo and some biker dude miscommunicate because they're trying to talk between bikes.
9. There were places in the story that didn't have a natural progression, the story jumped from one moment and skips too far ahead, which throws off the pacing. It's fine not to write every single moment of the day, but if you jump huge chunks of time, you have to be careful to bring the readers with you.
10. The main character had two different names. Maybe she changed the name, but a global search and replace in Word would have avoided that. I do not know what free/cheap programs offer, but if they don't have a lot of writer friendly features, they aren't worth the price.
11. Basic dialog 101- you don't need a dialog tag every time a character speaks. Action can act as an identifier; i.e. Carol slammed the door. "I don't need your opinion." See? No tags.
12. When a character 'squeals' during intimate moments, I cringe. I want to ask the character, "What, are you ten years old???" It kills the moment, makes the character sound too juvenile for intimacy, and I wonder if the author has experienced an actual moment of intimacy.
13. There were moments when the main female character seemed too immature for YA; she felt more like a middle grader: squealing, constant snarking, etc.
14. The main character, a female, was always extreme- too whiny, too sarcastic, too dramatic. Again, this made the character seem not only immature, but shallow. I didn't see her her in a natural state and didn't feel close to her.
15. As an author, it's important to know how to use words correctly- like 'skeptically,' which doesn't mean quizzically, or confused which is what I think the author meant to convey. What's worse, is that this isn't an SAT word that few people know.
16. The phrase 'cross that bridge when we come to it' is something your grandmother or another older adult would say. Start hanging out with teens because their speech is different. The last thing they want is to sound like their parents or grandparents.
17. Only in the movie Deadpool do I love breaking the fourth wall- talking directly to the audience. It doesn't work in this book and she only did it twice, which makes it stick out even more. Just. Don't. If you aren't consistent and it doesn't fit the story- and especially if you're using it for an info dump, it screams amateur.
18. Like the winking, there is too much eye rolling by too many characters.
19. While the story has a setting in Texas, and the character may have a Southern drawl, use of the word 'ya' for 'you' is sometimes awkward. It fits with "Hi ya!" But, if you completely forget to use it in the second half of the book, I'm thinking you don't need it at all.
20. "Freaky deaky?" NO. Show me a teen that would use this phrase.
21. This is a love story- and yet I didn't feel the love. There were opportunities for kisses and if two characters believe they are destined to be joined forever, there would be more kissing, especially since who doesn't love to kiss the person they are so attracted to? They keep too much of a distance for me to buy the love aspect.
22. Repetitive behavior bores me and slows the pace. A character who constantly whines about things she already knows and has accepted drives me crazy. Can we move on to the threat she faces?
23. When a secondary character constantly steals the scene, sometimes it's fabulous. But not in this case. The secondary character felt like a bully, or one of those annoying people you know who have to be the center of attention even in situations where they don't belong. It disrupts the flow, distracts me from the problem at hand and I begin to hate that character.
24.  "Dad gummet?" Are you KIDDING ME? If you can use the word fuck, then you can say damn, or hell, or holy shit, etc. Really, grow up.
25. There was an instance or two where the action was to be in one place but somehow was in another. Maybe there was a wormhole?
26.  "Pulled the proverbial rug out from underneath." No teen in the universe would say this. Again, hang out with teens who live in an average city, town, or coffee shop and listen to them. I have a teen and from his speech, and that of his friends, guys and gals, I know none of them would ever use this phrase.
27. It's 'duct tape' not 'duck tape.'
28. Stepping out of character for an info dump, made worse by changing tense from past to present is grating on the nerves. I kept going back, thinking I missed a line, or that text got accidentally omitted. Just bad writing.
29. No excuse for missing punctuation; worse when it's numerous instances.
30. "How about them apples?" Did grandpa make an appearance, because it sure sounds like him. No, just worn out, dead cliches... Also, "good grief." NO.
31. If I have to tell you the difference between 'your' and 'you're' I feel you need basic remedial English.
32. When one character knows the other characters' thoughts, and it's not a psychic thing, NO. You're jumping from point of view to another, and it's awkward. (That's cheating, too.)
33. Same thing with forecasting; no one should know that the future is going to dramatically change unless they are doing/making a choice with that power. Just thinking, when you meet a new person for all of a few minutes, that your life is going to abruptly change I'm not buying unless there is a paranormal aspect. I met a new person at a book signing. Maybe my life will change in a dramatic way, but from chatting for a few minutes, I have no way of knowing. Also, this kills the surprise if/when something happens.
34. Dialog should feel natural; we don't talk in proper sentences all the time because dialog is immediate and personal and things can be omitted because we understand the flow of the speech, so when I read a line like "Are you to tell me you are afraid?" it just doesn't work, unless it's a stuffy intellectual speaking.
35. There are instances of telling, instead of showing, and usually at important moments. This waters down the impact.
36. A good writer knows the difference between commas and semicolons. Just saying.
37. "Both girls laughed at their silly antics that seemed to keep them same." There is no way this sentence works in the story because I don't recognize the speaker- the main character was speaking, but who is this?
38. When the formatting is wonky- too many spaces between chapter title and text, empty pages, sentences ending in the middle of the page, etc., it SCREAMS amateur. True, some mistakes can happen if you're doing the set up, so either review it before you release it, or pay someone to do the job right and then review it anyway. This really annoys readers.
39. If you don't know the difference between plurals and possessives, you are doomed.
40. If you don't know the difference between past and present tenses and when to use them, you are doomed.
41. Info dumps spell disaster.
42. Every time a character has a thought, it's easier to put it in italics, on a fresh line, indented, rather than tell me 'she thought' with no italics and mixed into regular text. It was so confusing because I would read and then at the end find out it was a thought, not dialog or description.
43. If you don't know when to use single and double quotes, you are doomed.

Okay, it sounds like I hated the book. The author had a pretty good plot and one main character I liked. The problem was all the above mistakes that ruined it for me. (And Amazon wants to know if I'd like to order book two now- No.) Maybe the author will learn and polish up her act. It's books like this that give Indie publishing a bad name. Not doing your homework, not reviewing and polishing until there are no basic mistakes. Not having a neutral person/group critique your story. NOT TAKING THE TIME. So no, I won't get book two although I would like to know what happened to the male main character. Usually I won't even finish the book when I run across so many mistakes, but I needed blog post material. Even in rough drafts, I would not have made most of these errors and if I did, I would correct them before letting anyone, even my critique group, see them. It's just sloppy writing.

I don't do reviews because even if I'm criticizing to be helpful, too many authors take it personally and then their friends/family/trolls threaten to ruin your life. I have a critique group and while no one wants to be told where and how many mistakes they made in their manuscript, we understand the role of the critique and the group and suck it up. Of course, that doesn't mean we won't slug down a glass of wine and cry about it to anyone who'll listen, but we listen and improve the manuscript. Honestly, I would be too embarrassed to submit a manuscript with all these problems, not that I have perfect manuscripts all the time, but compared to this one, I'm a freaking genius.

Review. Revise. Review. Revise (repeat about ten times more). And then ask others to rip your story apart (but not family and close friends because they will say, "Oh, I love it, it's perfect!" and really, it's not). Learn. Take writing classes. Critique other people's stories so you see mistakes in their work that you might miss in your own and learn to recognize problems.

Or, just publish as is and never get anywhere. That is the reality that is being an author.

Char

One at a Time...

Once a year, usually in September, I clean my kitchen cabinets. It's a job I hate. I have to sort through boxes of food and throw anything stale out (recycling the boxes), go through dishes (how many water bottles do we need???) and decide what appliances/gadgets to get rid of (veg-ini anyone?). Then I have to clean the cabinets on the inside and clean/polish the outside. It's time consuming. No one notices unless I don't do it. And no one else will do it for me. (Well, I could pay someone I guess, but would they do it the way I like it?)

To do it all at once is overwhelming. Too many cabinets, drawers, and time. But it has to be done (with 3 boys in the house, it gets to be a mess).

So, I set a goal of one cabinet a day. If I miss a day because of other obligations, then two the next (even if it's the two smallest, it's still two). Eventually, it gets done and I am relieved for another year (until someone spills something and doesn't clean it up).

It's the same with this old manuscript I'm trying to revise from adult paranormal to new adult. It's a mess (I didn't think so, but several years of dust collected on top of it while hidden in the closet). I need to get rid of clutter, throw out anything that's bad, and reorganize what I keep. Like the cabinets, the manuscript must be organized and workable.

But I so don't want to do this, it's overwhelming (and I'm sure anyone who knows me knows I HATE multiple revisions). This manuscript is 385 pages. To do it all at once, I think I'd rather clean the cabinets. But like the cabinets, if I do one, two chapters a day, it will get done. With no deadline, there's no panic. Plenty of time. Maybe too much time because I don't feel any pressure. Some people, like me, work better under pressure so I'll impose one on myself. I want to be done with cleaning the kitchen by the time school starts in September. I want to be done with this revision by November so I can work on my NaNoWriMo project. In between I have scheduled book events, blogs to write, bell practice/performances, holidays, family obligations, and who knows what else will come up.

Here's my attack plan:

1- Inventory. (What do I have in the cabinets, what's in the story outline?)
2- Check what's no good. (Is that box of crackers stale? Is that plot thread working?)
3- Empty the trash. (Yep, box of crackers and can of nuts have to go. And that character is dead to me.)
4- Rearrange what's left. (All crackers on one shelf, straighten out plot hole left by dead & gone character.)
5- Restock. (Buy new crackers that everyone will eat, add details to smooth out plot changes.)
6- Polish. (Coat of wax on wooden cabinets, read through for any grammar, spelling, or other mistakes.)
7- Start the next project. (Cleaning out closets, working on NaNo project.)

Now I have to clean two cabinets and revise two chapters since I spent yesterday reading, thinking about what to write for this post, and doing physical therapy for my knee (nothing serious). No excuses, just gotta do it.

Keep cleaning- cabinets, manuscripts, whatever...


Char

Things That Make Me Go...Uh, What?

There are some things I will never understand.

Quantum physics.

How pop ups keep appearing on my laptop.

Why my cat feels the need to unroll the toilet paper.

Why people criticize my writing when clearly they can't even construct a grammatically correct sentence.

How come people feel the need to bash people who don't believe the same things or way they do.

Why when there is one snowflake, people panic and drive 5 mph on the road.

Why people look at you, confused or angry, when you say you didn't like a book they loved.

How does the letter carrier get mail delivered in a snow storm but drivers on main roads get stuck.

Why too much attention is spent on a few books, and not more on a wider range.

Men thinking it's no big deal to scratch or 'adjust' in public view.

If I believe that no two snowflakes -ever- are identical.

Why anyone would want to live in Alaska with all that cold and snow.

Why people hate the New England Patriots with such a vicious glee.

How anyone could be a serial killer/rapist/animal or child abuser.

Why my son makes such a big deal about doing homework.

Does anyone really like those teeny Smart Cars?

Why we can put man on the moon and soon on Mars, but we can't find alternate energy sources.

Why I can't stop writing, no matter how frustrated I get with the publishing industry.

The list goes on, and the more I question why? or how come? the more I feel how little I know.

I wonder, does anyone else think like this?


Char