A Classic Bore

 We all have those books we've been meaning to read, some of which are considered classics. As an English major, I've had to read a lot of them. Some I enjoy, like Shakespeare's plays, Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, Robert Louis Stevenson's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 

Then, there are those that are painful to read, like anything by D.H. Lawrence, most of the works by Hemingway, and what I'm currently reading, Emma by Jane Austen. 

Honestly, I don't see the appeal of this drawn out, verbose, repetitive novel. It took a whole chapter to describe a character's 'character.' Jane, you could have done it in a paragraph. WHY is this a 'classic?' Because it was written a long time ago? Because other novels by Jane have been a success? All I know is that it's pedantic, tedious, and a real torture to read. And it's an obvious example why high school students hate reading these books. I'm in the middle of chapter 5 and the last page- 391- is looking like it's a universe away and I may never get there. Clearly it was a favorite among the British but not so much among Americans. No one I know seems to have read it. 

Will I finish it? Doubtful. But I'll keep it on my nightstand and delve into it when insomnia hits. Clearly I should be out cold after a chapter or two.

Char

Help Needed: English Pros and Non-Tech People

 Sometimes I wonder who creates and checks the Microsoft word processing software. I'm not talking about making the software run or fixing glitches, I'm talking about their so called 'grammar' expert.

(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)

'Cause they ain't no expert. 

Follow:

Those annoying underline dots where they insist that a semicolon is needed. Um, no. I put a comma for a reason. Like everything else in English grammar, there are rules that can, and sometimes should, be broken or ignored. This program does not recognize any digression. Even when warranted.

When I put in a rhetorical question, it demands a question mark. Ok, I'll give them that one even though there are instances when it is so obviously not a question. AI is only as smart as we make it (so far).

The thing that bugs me the most, other than the screwy way to add and modify headers? Insisting on commas where one isn't needed. I think I know better than you, Microsoft, about commas. No, I'm absolutely positive I know where to use commas better than you. I have an English degree and a journalism degree. I've had newspaper and magazine articles, and several books published. I write my own weekly blog and a monthly post for another. I'm in the middle of writing and/or revising several books. Your word processing software was created, most likely, by a techy person who writes code, not paragraphs or books. I think you're just going to have to trust me on this. Often times your program reminds me of those instructions that come with products from other nations where English is probably the last language they use, yet they print out directions that leave English-speaking people dumbfounded- and struggling to assemble or use the product. They need to hire someone whose native language is English to proofread.

I think, besides hiring a person with strong grammar skills, you need to hire a person like me. Very little tech skills so if I can't get the program to do what I want without screaming for my tech-savvy sons to help me, then you have a problem with the way the program works, or at least you need to simplify it. I wasn't born with computers and electronic games and such in my hands like the current generations, who are most likely writing your programs. To them, it's easy (unless we're talking about grammar). You have to give us 'more creative, less techy' people a break. And your 'help' button is mostly useless. Really. If it was easy to use, I could stop being afraid of my kids moving out, leaving me in a technological panic. 

There are other issues with the program, but I'll stop here, I think the message is clear. Hire an English major when you're working with the written language.  

Have a nice day.

Char 

What Are You Trying to Write?

I not only host a critique group, but I do short critiques at SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) conferences and one day critique events. I give and get critiques. No matter how successful the writer, a critique by an objective person is essential.

There were a lot of good stories, and I was glad to offer a few helpful comments. One thing I noticed some writers struggled with: English was not their native language- and it showed. Now English is a challenge even for those of us born speaking it. It has so many ridiculous rules:

Hoof (singular) but hooves (plural).

Okay, loaf to loaves. Got the hang of it?

WAIT.

Roof to roofs.

I mean, like, what the heck?

Don't get me started on the 'i before e, except after c' rule because that works only half the time:

weird
forfeit
albeit
glacier
seize

Photo courtesy of Burst, Pexels. 

These are just two of the many exceptions. There seems to always be an exception to every English grammar/spelling/writing rule. Then, there are the issues of slang, metaphors, and multiple word meanings. I do not envy anyone having to learn English.

And this brings us to writing in English, which is even harder than speaking it. There are a number of native English speakers who can't write well, but for the English-learning group, it must be a nightmare.

Here are a few tips for those who struggle:

1-  Read your work carefully. Sometimes reading aloud helps, and unbelievably, changing the font. I know that I read aloud passages in my manuscripts when something feels just a little bit 'off.' Your brain tends to interpret your writing, skipping over mistakes, because it knows what you meant to say. Many times I've read some text, only to find I've left out words like 'to, and, for' and others. My brain unconsciously supplied the missing word in my head, but when you read aloud, the tongue only says what's actually on the paper.

2- You need a native English speaker to read the story. Whether you have a critique partner or friend who can read your manuscript (before you start getting outside critiques or submitting) this is practically non-negotiable. My husband spoke only Italian until grade school and even by the time he was doing post grad work, his writing skills were affected by being a non-native English speaker. I would read over his papers and help him with spelling, grammar, and flow.

3- Use Word features, like global search to see if you overuse certain words. I'm guilty of overusing 'just'. (It's frightening how often it appears in rough drafts.) Do you see those colored squiggly lines appear in a sentence when you write? That's Word telling you something may be amiss. The program isn't always correct, especially for the use of commas and other punctuation, but let it draw your attention. Read the line aloud; does it still seem correct? There are other programs, like  grammarly.com. which check grammar usage, the most difficult part of writing, but also spelling and punctuation. There are other programs, some of which are free, so do your homework and see which one fits your needs. Even if you have to pay for a subscription, it's worth it and will in the end save you time, money, and frustration, not to mention that you don't want to build a rep among editors and agents for being a poor writer. (Word does get around.)

4- Consider a professional editor. This can be expensive, especially if your manuscripts need a heavy editing hand. I would recommend you go through the above steps first, to reduce as many issues as possible. Then, check around with other writer friends if they use editors, what's being said about them in reviews, and what comes up when you Google them.

5- Take writing courses. Check grammar and author websites for helpful writing links. Shop around. This is time-consuming research, but vital. I have a degrees in English and journalism but I took writing classes which specialized in writing for children. Writing a chapter, middle grade, or young adult book is very different from writing for adults or a job. You have to be conscious not only of writing well, but of language usage; for example, not using college level words that your intended younger audience won't understand.

If I wanted to write a book in Spanish, it would be an onerous task because it's not my native tongue and what I learned in high school is not enough to produce a professional, polished manuscript. I admire anyone who attempts to take on the challenge of writing in a learned tongue. You have to work harder, but if you want your manuscript to get serious consideration, you must take the extra steps because editors and agents will simply reject any work that will require extensive editing. They simply don't have the time, and with so many hopeful authors out there practically tossing novel drafts at them, there's no need. There is always a slush pile, open submissions periods, and agented writers to supply them.

Good luck!

Char