Help Needed: English Pros and Non-Tech People

 Sometimes I wonder who creates and checks the Microsoft word processing software. I'm not talking about making the software run or fixing glitches, I'm talking about their so called 'grammar' expert.

(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)

'Cause they ain't no expert. 

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Those annoying underline dots where they insist that a semicolon is needed. Um, no. I put a comma for a reason. Like everything else in English grammar, there are rules that can, and sometimes should, be broken or ignored. This program does not recognize any digression. Even when warranted.

When I put in a rhetorical question, it demands a question mark. Ok, I'll give them that one even though there are instances when it is so obviously not a question. AI is only as smart as we make it (so far).

The thing that bugs me the most, other than the screwy way to add and modify headers? Insisting on commas where one isn't needed. I think I know better than you, Microsoft, about commas. No, I'm absolutely positive I know where to use commas better than you. I have an English degree and a journalism degree. I've had newspaper and magazine articles, and several books published. I write my own weekly blog and a monthly post for another. I'm in the middle of writing and/or revising several books. Your word processing software was created, most likely, by a techy person who writes code, not paragraphs or books. I think you're just going to have to trust me on this. Often times your program reminds me of those instructions that come with products from other nations where English is probably the last language they use, yet they print out directions that leave English-speaking people dumbfounded- and struggling to assemble or use the product. They need to hire someone whose native language is English to proofread.

I think, besides hiring a person with strong grammar skills, you need to hire a person like me. Very little tech skills so if I can't get the program to do what I want without screaming for my tech-savvy sons to help me, then you have a problem with the way the program works, or at least you need to simplify it. I wasn't born with computers and electronic games and such in my hands like the current generations, who are most likely writing your programs. To them, it's easy (unless we're talking about grammar). You have to give us 'more creative, less techy' people a break. And your 'help' button is mostly useless. Really. If it was easy to use, I could stop being afraid of my kids moving out, leaving me in a technological panic. 

There are other issues with the program, but I'll stop here, I think the message is clear. Hire an English major when you're working with the written language.  

Have a nice day.

Char 

Ye Olde Manuscript

I'm working on a new book. (So what else is new?)

But this time, I'm doing it olde school.

I'm handwriting the entire book.

Why??? you scream? When a laptop is quicker, has instant SpellCheck, you can look up anything you need, and I'm only going to have to type the whole thing anyway?????

Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but hear (read) me out. First and foremost, I want to be thoughtful when I write this book. As my pencil (yep, really old school!) glides across the page in cursive script (and my script is really curlicue curly), I weigh each word. The process slows down to where I think about a word and consider if another would fit better. If so, I erase the inferior word and use the better one. On a laptop, I would be tapping furiously and just keep going, figuring I'd change the word when I started revising. But handwriting (which is becoming a lost skill and art), makes me order my thoughts, it forces me to almost read it aloud in my head. On a laptop, writing is as fast as my fingers can type, and sometimes that's faster than my brain thinks. There will still be many revisions required; I noticed when I picked up the project one day that I'd used the same word in two consecutive sentences. There are empty spaces where information about the time period or the setting needs to be inserted. Laptops make it too easy to become distracted on the www. For now, it's about the writing. Later it will be about correcting/adding information.

Second, I like to write poolside.

Okay, this is actually in the pool and I'm not actually writing, but you get the drift. Laptops + water + a pool bar = disaster. If my pages may get a little soggy from a splash, I leave them in the sun and they're good to go. (Another reason not to use pen, it will smear or dissolve.)

Third, I can write at the beach without fear of surf, sand, or sun blowing up my laptop, or it getting stolen. I can write in the car (until I get carsick) without worrying I'll run out of power. I can write anywhere.

Another reason to write this out longhand is it's giving me the feels, the tone of the manuscript. It's a story about an immortal being and currently, he's in the early 1900's, but he's been around since the late 1700's, and this is how they wrote manuscripts back then. The longer process helps me to think about language appropriate for the times and places; rougher, less elegant speech of a common farmer, and then the elegant, refined speech of a gentleman. When there are chapters that require a lot of dialogue, writing longhand helps me work it out as I go, so that, I believe, it sounds more realistic.

And look at how pretty these journals are! I can't remember when I bought them, but they've been sitting in my bookcase. Like most authors, we see a gorgeous journal and we must have it. We plan on writing in them, but most of the time, we don't because they're too pretty. As I declutter and think about downsizing and simplifying my life, I'm using things that I've 'saved' for one reason or another. I'm writing this book in the journals. I'm signing bills with that sparkly pen. I'm wearing perfume to the grocery store.

I don't think it will take that much longer to write the story (talking about just the basic draft) because when I use my laptop, I go back and see an error and want to fix it, and then spend more time revising and changing than I do adding more words. (That's breaking the cardinal rule of NaNoWriMo: write it down FIRST, revise LATER.) Handwriting forces me to go forward or I'd be erasing pages, and that is not happening. Sure, I might have more revisions when I'm done, but I think I can catch a lot as I type the story into in my laptop.

It's an interesting experiment, but somehow it gives me a serenity while writing that I don't get when I use the laptop. I can't rush the writing or the writing gets too sloppy making it almost unreadable, or I get cramps in my hand. Slow and easy, thoughtful and deliberate. That's the theme of this experience.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes-

Char

Word Games

Language fascinates me. (Hence, why I write.) I like to play around with, and yes, intentionally misuse words. But there's good precedence. Just think about the word 'mouser.' I'm guessing that someone had a cat, and that cat caught a lot of mice. Instead of saying that, they said she was a 'mouser.' Kind of like saying a person is a writer in place of 'that person writes.' A noun becomes a verb.

When I'm talking about my cats roaming through the decorative grasses in my back yard, I tell my sons the cats are 'jungling;'

Photo courtesy of Pexels, Mali Maeder

They are not prowling through a real jungle, but acting like they are. When my cats snuggle into the blanket, they are 'nesting,' not building a nest. (See how fun this is?)

But I'm not the only one who does this. Who first used the words:

texting

gaming

linking (as in chain-link smoking)

fragging (as in killing/wounding someone with a fragmentation device, i.e. grenade)

actualizing (to make actual or real)

Do you turn words on end, make a noun into a verb? Use them in unexpected ways? Try it, it's fun.

Char 

Making A List, Checking It Twice...

Actually, you'll be checking your manuscript many more times than twice. If you thought you only had to do it once, maybe twice, this is a very rude wake up call. For Sirenz (1st book), the revisions led to a stack of paper (between my co-author and I) to about my height (I'm 5'9"). Yep. I have boxes of revised, discarded, marked up pages. So, don't get too comfy, we've got a lot of work to do.

So grab your tablet, your Monte Blanc, your laptop. We're making a list of the things you need to look out for when editing.

The Easy Stuff  (Things you should know, but we're going to remind you.)

-Grammar (know if you use an apostrophe, a semi colon, a double quote. If you don't, consult one of the books I mentioned in previous post that you should have in your possession.)
-Spelling (don't rely solely on spell check; it doesn't know between read and red.)
-Consistency (If you've changed your character's name, town, eye color, gender, etc. make sure it's the same all through the novel.)
-Cliches (Unless the character is making a bad joke, eliminate them all, along with slang phrases that will date your work.)
-Dangling Sentences (Authors can take some artistic license, but if your sentence)
-Dialogue Confusion ("Go away," she said. She flipped her hair back, "I don't want to talk to you." If this one gal talking, or two? Make sure dialogue tags, modifiers and context make it clear who is speaking.)
- Repetitive Repetitive Words (There will be certain words that you love- everyone has them-but you use them way too often. Trim down the places where you use it.)
-Appropriate Language (Middle graders will not say "I must consider all the ramifications of your actions." Make sure the language fits not only the age, but the situation, place, and culture of your character.)
-Descriptive Language (Can't have too much, can't have too little; you have to find the balance between boring us to death with drawn out descriptions of everything and everyone, and leaving us struggling to picture the character or the scene.)
-Fact Check (even if you write fantasy, science fiction or contemporary fiction, you need to do basic research. The laws of physics have to work on other planets unless you can explain how they don't, but then you need research, right? If you're writing adventure stories, maybe you need to know the difference between a trebuchet and a catapult. Have the right highway when a villain gets run down. Don't wing it because readers will pick up when you're wrong.)
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The Hard Stuff (Things that will take more than one glance, may have to be read aloud or by someone else to be picked up.)

-Solid Characters (Characters can't be perfect, too insipid, stupid, or blind. Moments of those things, yes, but not all the time. Make sure they aren't one dimensional; they need a personality and some depth.)
-Clear Plot (You remember high school English- your story must have a setting, rising conflict, climax, and resolution. Action is required even in 'quiet' books.)
-No Info Dumps (This is where the author spends numerous paragraphs--or pages--'telling' us background info instead of weaving it in through dialogue or internal thoughts, observations and knowledge of others. The rule is show, don't tell.)
-Unrealistic Elements (If your character knows what someone else is thinking, unless they're a superhero who can read minds, that's unrealistic. No one can know what's in another's head. Another example is knowing always the right thing to do or having everything work out perfectly. That doesn't even happen in fantasies)
-POV (Point of view- can't have everyone's thoughts jumping out, shouldn't have too many viewpoints-unless you're doing speculative fiction, you're really good at it, or you're famous and people let you get away with it. Know the difference between first person, third omniscient, et al.)
-Time Skips (Your character is going to the store on a Monday afternoon and suddenly they're waking up to Thursday morning. Unless they were drugged, in a coma, knocked out, went through a wormhole or have black outs, you're jumping the time line.)
-SAT Quizzes (Don't use big, fancy, overly pedagogish words. You're not checking SAT knowledge. Say it clearly. This is where that thesaurus comes in handy for synonyms.)
-Flow (Does the action flow consecutively? Do speech and reactions make sense, are in the right place? You don't want your character to ask a question that never gets answered, or the other character answers 5 pages later.
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Yes, this is a long list- and it's not everything you need to check. As you learn to review your work more thoroughly, you'll pick up more with each pass. No crying or whining because this is part of the writing process. If you want to get published, and even if it's just for you to write and read, it should be the best it can be.  So...

We're in this together. We all made mistakes and need to correct them. If you think anything should be added onto the list, add it for yourself.

Until next week, keep positive.

Char  

(All images courtesy of Microsoft)