Go! And DON'T Come Back!

Last post of the year, looking back and forward, blah, blah. You know the drill. Here's my list of things and people that should stay in 2019 and never 'grace' us with their presence:

Photo courtesy of cottonbro, Pexels

1. Anything Kardashian. Seriously, we've ALL had enough. If you're going to law school Kim, hit the books and stay off TV and out of the media. And find something for the rest of your family to do.

2. Every. Single. Politician. We're tired (I'm speaking for a lot of people) of your bickering, backstabbing, lying, self-serving non-representation. All of you, out the door! We want fresh, new, unsoiled, eager representation (who won't bring half their family in to make money off ties with US gov). Clear both sides of the aisle.

3. Antonio Brown. You can't keep your hands to yourself or your mouth shut. (Disclosure: I am a very dedicated Patriots fan and he would have been great, but... ethics apply.) And, take all those other dirty players (and coaches, managers, etc., and I don't care if they are future Hall of Famers) with you. It's time the NFL cleaned house. There should be absolutely no room for players with assault and other criminal records. If they're cleared in court, fine. Until then, out! You are seriously angering female fans.

4. Twitter trolls. You know who you are. A person makes an observation, and you want to be angry, and butt hurt, so you jump all over them because your opinion is different. It's narcissistic and what I've read but can't remember the term, darn it, is the abuser blaming the victim. Hey, I think there are some real whacko opinions out there, but they are opinions and protected under the Constitution. Ok, you don't agree, you may even be horrified (I've been) but make your point and move on (unless there is a clear danger, like someone making a threat- different story). If you have to smear them, and continually harangue them, you need therapy. And another hobby.

5. Amazon screwing authors. Indie authors receive pennies for their books. Jeff Bezos, you have your billions (or is it trillions now? oops, forgot about the divorce...back to billions). Either way, your stranglehold on authors and the monies they don't get from Kindle Unlimited is cruel and soooo not fair. There should be no 'returning' an ebook after people have read it. A few pages to peruse, but if they buy it, they pay for it- no give backs. And the same thing goes for you, Audible. No returning audio books and then making the author pay. Seriously, I have some very bad words on my tongue...

6. Reality shows. Hint: they are scripted and therefore, that's false advertising. I'm glad Snookie and crew are gone, but take the housewives, the sister wives, and everything else fake back to oblivion.

7. Excess and unrecyclable plastics. Some things need to be plastic, like medical devices and car parts. But we don't need plastic straws every time we get a drink (what, are you 2?). Manufacturers, please don't wrap instruction booklets in plastic. It's ridiculous the amount of plastics used for silly things. Maybe plastics should be constrained (as much as possible, I understand chemicals and situations may call for something different) to only those which can be recycled. Lego bricks- why can't they be made from recycled plastics? And other toys? How about bricks which could be used for building houses? All public benches? We might be able to save trees if we can substitute recycled plastic products. It would be great if a brilliant scientist somewhere created a microbe that eats the stuff (I've heard rumors, is it a reality? If so, let's get on this and clear out landfills and the oceans...).

8. 'Designer' animals. With so many animals in shelters, waiting to be euthanized, I can't look at those designer dogs, which cost hundreds, if not thousands, and not think less of its owners as a person.

9. Idiotic prison systems. What good does it do anyone when prisoners are locked up with nothing to do? Let prisons run animal shelters. Teach prisoners how to train service animals. Just think of all the therapy and service animals that could come from overcrowded shelters and go to people in need of them. Prisoners would be busy performing a desperately needed service, and we all know animals reduce stress levels. Training a single dog could save thousands of dollars for people who need one, plus giving prisoners a real chance at a form of restitution. Think about it!

10.  I'm looking at you, Big Pharma. There is no justifiable or ethical reason why these companies get to charge Americans hundreds of dollars for insulin and other medications when Europeans get the same drug for pennies on the dollar. We are funding research, but don't gouge us! Same price for everyone. And shame on you- you have blood on your hands.

11. Those stupid Progressive, Geico, and Liberty Mutual commercials (to name a few). You've done them to death. We're sick of them. Goodbye Flo, Jaime, gecko, emu, etc.

12. Any more remakes of Spiderman, Batman, Superman, etc. Hollywood, there are mega tons of books out there- and don't forget the Indies- when you search for a new project. Not another Star is Born, or Tarzan, or even Dracula. I'm not saying don't do any movies based on those characters, or any which include the characters, but STOP remaking the original plot over and over and over.... If you're hard up, check out some books from the library. Talk to people. See what's a new trend.


Well, that's my list for now. More will come to mind as we wind down the last dregs of 2019. May 2020 be kinder to all of us- people, animals, Earth, and Fate.

See ya on the flip side....

Char

it's That Time of Year...

The holidays are here. So....

Photo courtesy of Mohammed Reza Fathian, Pexels

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY HANNUKAH

HAPPY KWANZA

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I wish all peace, contentment, health and success. I will see you next year! 

Char

Beware the Hole!

I was relaxing, in my jammies, with a cup of tea and a cat on my lap, watching one of my favorite Hallmark movies. In the first 10 minutes.... Plot hole!

Photo courtesy of Anthony DeRosa, Pexels.

And it wasn't the only one. By the time I got to the end, there were 8 plot/situation holes. How did all of them get past:

author

agent

editor

copy/film editor

producer

director?

Here they are:

1- A minor character, a soldier, tells main character that he and girlfriend set wedding date. He immediately gets killed. Main character gives dog tags to 'widow.'

2- As the camera pans through the picturesque town, sometimes there is snow, sometimes not- and sometimes it's the same place, like a main character's home, on the same day. (not a plot hole, but a situational/filming hole. Still, someone missed it.)

3- Main female character's hair is perfect when she is in the office. She goes outside for a brief scene, hair gets wet from falling snow and looks droopy. Yet, walks into the office and wa-la! hair is perfect again!

4- A supporting character has a horse drawn sleigh, and mentions he wants to put wheels on it. Camera pans across sleigh, and... it has wheels.

5- It's a Christmas movie, so there shouldn't be little green buds on the trees....

6- This is more an acting thing, but director should have caught it- female lead doesn't close her eyes when kissing the hot male character, so I'm not convinced of the attraction. (I would have offered to take her place.)

7- People in the church are singing (really pretending) and their mouth movements don't match the words to the songs. At least the main characters seem to know the words. (The others have hymnals so they should have been able to fake it better....)

8- In the end scene, the main female character is chasing after the main male character, who's had a head start leaving town. And yet, she had time to run to a diner and get a chicken salad club with extra crispy curly fries to go, and bring it to him.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the movie, but careful editing is essential. I've read books where I stop and say, "Wait! That can't be!" It's even WORSE when it's my own book.

So Hallmark, call me, I'll be happy to watch and suggest edits. And, maybe, you could take a look at my manuscript....  ;)

Char

What Are You Trying to Write?

I not only host a critique group, but I do short critiques at SCBWI (Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators) conferences and one day critique events. I give and get critiques. No matter how successful the writer, a critique by an objective person is essential.

There were a lot of good stories, and I was glad to offer a few helpful comments. One thing I noticed some writers struggled with: English was not their native language- and it showed. Now English is a challenge even for those of us born speaking it. It has so many ridiculous rules:

Hoof (singular) but hooves (plural).

Okay, loaf to loaves. Got the hang of it?

WAIT.

Roof to roofs.

I mean, like, what the heck?

Don't get me started on the 'i before e, except after c' rule because that works only half the time:

weird
forfeit
albeit
glacier
seize

Photo courtesy of Burst, Pexels. 

These are just two of the many exceptions. There seems to always be an exception to every English grammar/spelling/writing rule. Then, there are the issues of slang, metaphors, and multiple word meanings. I do not envy anyone having to learn English.

And this brings us to writing in English, which is even harder than speaking it. There are a number of native English speakers who can't write well, but for the English-learning group, it must be a nightmare.

Here are a few tips for those who struggle:

1-  Read your work carefully. Sometimes reading aloud helps, and unbelievably, changing the font. I know that I read aloud passages in my manuscripts when something feels just a little bit 'off.' Your brain tends to interpret your writing, skipping over mistakes, because it knows what you meant to say. Many times I've read some text, only to find I've left out words like 'to, and, for' and others. My brain unconsciously supplied the missing word in my head, but when you read aloud, the tongue only says what's actually on the paper.

2- You need a native English speaker to read the story. Whether you have a critique partner or friend who can read your manuscript (before you start getting outside critiques or submitting) this is practically non-negotiable. My husband spoke only Italian until grade school and even by the time he was doing post grad work, his writing skills were affected by being a non-native English speaker. I would read over his papers and help him with spelling, grammar, and flow.

3- Use Word features, like global search to see if you overuse certain words. I'm guilty of overusing 'just'. (It's frightening how often it appears in rough drafts.) Do you see those colored squiggly lines appear in a sentence when you write? That's Word telling you something may be amiss. The program isn't always correct, especially for the use of commas and other punctuation, but let it draw your attention. Read the line aloud; does it still seem correct? There are other programs, like  grammarly.com. which check grammar usage, the most difficult part of writing, but also spelling and punctuation. There are other programs, some of which are free, so do your homework and see which one fits your needs. Even if you have to pay for a subscription, it's worth it and will in the end save you time, money, and frustration, not to mention that you don't want to build a rep among editors and agents for being a poor writer. (Word does get around.)

4- Consider a professional editor. This can be expensive, especially if your manuscripts need a heavy editing hand. I would recommend you go through the above steps first, to reduce as many issues as possible. Then, check around with other writer friends if they use editors, what's being said about them in reviews, and what comes up when you Google them.

5- Take writing courses. Check grammar and author websites for helpful writing links. Shop around. This is time-consuming research, but vital. I have a degrees in English and journalism but I took writing classes which specialized in writing for children. Writing a chapter, middle grade, or young adult book is very different from writing for adults or a job. You have to be conscious not only of writing well, but of language usage; for example, not using college level words that your intended younger audience won't understand.

If I wanted to write a book in Spanish, it would be an onerous task because it's not my native tongue and what I learned in high school is not enough to produce a professional, polished manuscript. I admire anyone who attempts to take on the challenge of writing in a learned tongue. You have to work harder, but if you want your manuscript to get serious consideration, you must take the extra steps because editors and agents will simply reject any work that will require extensive editing. They simply don't have the time, and with so many hopeful authors out there practically tossing novel drafts at them, there's no need. There is always a slush pile, open submissions periods, and agented writers to supply them.

Good luck!

Char 

A New Arrival...

I got a new laptop.

I don't have everything up and running, and I'm bugging my sons. Somehow, my wireless printer is printing reverse- black page and white letters. It's very hard on the eyes, especially when I swam and the chlorine has me looking like a red-eyed demon. So, bear with me.

In the meanwhile, keep writing, take time to enjoy the little pleasures of the holidays, don't get discouraged, and do something good for you, and nice for someone else...

Photo courtesy Pixaby, Pexels. 

Char