5 Things I Hate About Christmas Movies

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I am the biggest fan of Christmas out there. I set up all my decorations and tree the day after Thanksgiving. Almost every room has Christmas decorations (except my sons' - they are grinches). One of the best parts of Christmas is yes, the sappy movies. 

But... there are things I hate about those movies. If you're going to write/produce a Christmas story, please DON'T do these:

1. Have the hero be able to save Christmas with Santa by re-wiring the electrical panel by twisting two wires together. Yeah, it ain't that simple. I'm not an electrician, although I have a cousin who is, so I KNOW it's not that easy. Just make it a tripped breaker. If you don't know what that means, you need to talk to a professional. Throwing in something you haven't researched only irritates readers who can see through it. Don't go for the quick, easy way. If something is too complicated, then simplify.

2. Have the two love interests do the following: have a 'surprise' snowball hit, 'suddenly' bump (as in spill the coffee all over them) at an awkward or convenient time, or win a contest for something where they're up against the people who win every year. I roll my eyes but I really want to gag.

3. Introduce a last-minute 'magical' element to save the story. If there's magic all through the story, I'm good with that; I believe in the magic of the season. It's the holiday of miracles- but not a last minute pull-the-rabbit-out-of-the-hat to save the day magic. It's hokey and a lazy way out. The fans aren't pleased.

4. No snow in places where it's not supposed to be, like California (unless it's in the mountains). Even in The Year Without a Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus had to enlist the help of Mother Nature. Again, unless there's a magical element, it's tooooo convenient. (Almost) everyone wants a white Christmas, but statistically, it doesn't happen a lot, especially as global climate change has us wearing a light sweater in December rather than mittens and boots. I get the whole ambiance of the idea, but seeing sheets of cotton doesn't feel like Christmas. 

5. The decorations. I LOVE Christmas decorations, but it seems the decorations in the movies are either made up of too sparsely decorated trees with not enough ornaments or lights, to places where there are bows on the kitchen cabinets. Who hangs garland from every single doorway? I have never seen real people do that. I know some people who have so much going on in their homes it looks like a Christmas store, but in the movies EVERYONE decorates to the max. And this is a pet peeve- fake snow that is too obviously fake. Cotton does not look like snow, especially when someone steps on a blanket of it. I understand there can't be real snow since most of the movies are filmed in warm locations or seasons without snow, but at least don't have the actors walk on the blankets. Have them walk up a clean walkway and then it's a little easier for me to believe that's snow.

I'm writing two Christmas stories so I have Lifetime and Hallmark movies on to help remind me not to do the above. Ultimately, I love sappy movies even with a few plot faux pas because they put me in the Christmas mood. 

Blessings of the season-

Char

"Brilliant!" But I Knew That

Sometimes, well all the time, authors have to toot their own horns. Publicity and marketing, the bane of most of us, is a continual thorn. There are moments, though, when we are THRILLED to shine the spotlight on ourselves.

My middle grade trilogy, Simple Machines, Simple Plans, and Simple Lessons in the Evolution Revolution series, was shopped around by myself and my former agent. Unfortunately, there were no takers. While I knew an interested editor might want to make a few changes, I had faith in the whole concept. When it failed to get picked up by publishers, I believed in the story enough to Indie publish. I hired a wonderful artist, Cathleen Daniels (former NJSCBWI regional advisor), who brought my vision to life through her fabulous artwork and layout expertise. Since it was pubbed in 2016, I have entered it in contests, gotten a favorable review in Publishers Weekly, and even won 2 awards (Feathered Quill). Unfortunately, Indie books are still looked down upon by libraries, schools, and the publishing world. Undaunted, I subbed the first book Simple Machines, to the Writer's Digest Self Published Book Awards.

I could NOT have been more surprised and thrilled. While I didn't win, the comments of the judge has not only confirmed my belief in the series, but maybe will help get the books the recognition others (not just myself) think it should have:  

Judge, 27th Annual Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards:

Evolution Revolution by Charlotte Bennardo features Jack, the gray squirrel, and his mission to save his forest and fellow animals from losing their habitat to disastrous human machinery. The book is designed to allow STEM lesson plans to be taught alongside a class reading, and an example syllabus is made available online. This is unbelievably brilliant, and I cannot say I've seen anything like this before. What a perfect example of carving out one's own market for the book! On a production level, the illustrations that accompanied the story were magnificent, especially on page 28, and I liked how the writing carved out space for these illustrations to thread into the prose.

There are some editorial notes about what this particular judge wanted and I can see the sense of them, but having had so many agents and editors look at this novel, what pleases one probably wouldn't please them all, so I've skipped over the notes.

Overall, Bennardo has created a solid book here, and I hope many STEM classrooms will take advantage of it!

If I could get into schools and libraries I think my series would have done better, but the label 'Indie - self- published' seems to be a flag to walk on by. The covers alone should have snagged readers and educators to at least take a peek and read the back flap or a chapter. The educational guides attached to each book would help teachers easily adapt to lesson plans in a number of STEM/STEAM and language arts areas.

So please show a little love for a smart gray squirrel who may be leading a revolution...

Char

People, Start Your Engines!

 It's #NaNoWriMo time. 

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For those of you who haven't heard about it- it's National Novel Writing Month. That means writers bust their butts to draft a novel of 50,000 words (1,677 words a day) in one month. It's hard. Not everyone succeeds. (Whoever chose November, instead of like January or March- WHAT were you thinking???) The point is to START. To get words down. To initiate a writing routine that becomes a lifestyle. It's hard work, it's sometimes frustrating. The finished product is usually crap- but it's a START. Better to have something than just an intention.

From newbies hoping to write that first novel to seasoned writers, this yearly challenge is an obstacle course: juggling family, work, holiday schedules, keeping faith with ourselves, and staying motivated through all the demands on our time, emotions, and even health. 

So to everyone taking up the challenge, good luck! Here are five rules (suggestions?) to keep in mind:

1. You missed a day. Or two. Don't fret and don't give up. You have time to catch up.

2. You won't make the deadline - November 30th. There are no NaNo police coming to give you a ticket for failure to comply. Take a few days in December and finish. No judgement here.

3. If you get stuck, go to https://nanowrimo.org/ and sign up (which you should have done already, but it's never to late) and get some inspiration from other writers, from chatting with others in the same situation, to ways to break through the block.

4. Don't be afraid to walk away- at least for a little while to gather your thoughts. Talk a walk. Read a book that inspires what you're trying to write. Look at pictures. When the idea comes to you (and it will) you'll write with renewed vigor.

5. The only reason to go back to the beginning of your story is to read to pick up the thread if you feel lost. DO NOT go back and make edits; make notes. Don't waste precious time polishing the beginning because you might very well toss that beginning when you do NaNoRevMo (National Novel Revising Month) or whenever you decide to revise it. Read only to get back in the mood of your novel to push you forward. 

May the words be with you! 

Char

Ooooh, Scary!

                                                                                Photo courtesy of Pexels

It's strange how many people love scary things and I often wonder why... 

The scariest book I've read: a book by Dean Koontz that was so scary, I didn't finish it and I can't even remember the name.

The scariest movie I've seen: tied between Alien and Jaws.

The scariest situation I've been in: when some idiot girl sped through a red light and T-boned us. I really thought I was going to die.

The scariest person I've met: psychotic scum who fractured my skull with a beer bottle.

The scariest place I've been: looking over the edge of a cliff.

The scariest TV show: American Horror.

Since I don't remember the book and didn't finish it, all I can say is I know not to read any Dean Koontz. If I see Alien or Jaws now, no big deal but when I first saw them, Alien gave me nightmares and Jaws kept me out of the water for a year. I wasn't seriously injured in the car crash (seatbelts!) but my life really flashed before my eyes. The psycho man is dead so we're all a little safer. Heights never used to bother me, but now just watching people do crazy stunts from up high makes me dizzy (but I still love roller coasters). I still can't watch American Horror.

So, what scares you?

Char

To Be... Or Not

 Today's new math lesson:

Allergies + Congestion = Bronchitis

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So I'm taking off this week.

Send cookies, chai lattes, and books.

Char

Goodbye, Columbus....

 Happy Indigenous Peoples Day!

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No, I won't say 'Happy Columbus Day' anymore. Here's why:

Columbus didn't 'discover' America, he stumbled across it. If you go to a strange town and walk into someone's back yard, did you discover it, or merely come across it? So no kudos to a man who stepped onto a foreign shore and claimed it when he had no right.

Columbus' visit has brought about the death of millions, from the Native Americans living here then, and through our country's history. Nothing to celebrate.

While the same accusation could be tagged to Spain, France, Britain, the Netherlands, and Portugal (among other nations) colonizing what is now known as the American Southwest and California, and holds true for Central and South America, Canada, Africa, and various islands, no invasion should be celebrated. 

While the Native Peoples frequently had their own wars, mass killings, and slavery, that's no reason to celebrate the European version. 

It may be unpopular, but I have no problem with taking down statues of Columbus or Confederate generals. And since no human is perfect, and all have a darker side, how about no statues to any individual? That would be the most equitable solution, in my humble opinion. Put the statues in a museum, although how many statues of Columbus, Robert L. Lee, etc. do we need? 

And that's my thought on this day....

Char

Help Needed: English Pros and Non-Tech People

 Sometimes I wonder who creates and checks the Microsoft word processing software. I'm not talking about making the software run or fixing glitches, I'm talking about their so called 'grammar' expert.

(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)

'Cause they ain't no expert. 

Follow:

Those annoying underline dots where they insist that a semicolon is needed. Um, no. I put a comma for a reason. Like everything else in English grammar, there are rules that can, and sometimes should, be broken or ignored. This program does not recognize any digression. Even when warranted.

When I put in a rhetorical question, it demands a question mark. Ok, I'll give them that one even though there are instances when it is so obviously not a question. AI is only as smart as we make it (so far).

The thing that bugs me the most, other than the screwy way to add and modify headers? Insisting on commas where one isn't needed. I think I know better than you, Microsoft, about commas. No, I'm absolutely positive I know where to use commas better than you. I have an English degree and a journalism degree. I've had newspaper and magazine articles, and several books published. I write my own weekly blog and a monthly post for another. I'm in the middle of writing and/or revising several books. Your word processing software was created, most likely, by a techy person who writes code, not paragraphs or books. I think you're just going to have to trust me on this. Often times your program reminds me of those instructions that come with products from other nations where English is probably the last language they use, yet they print out directions that leave English-speaking people dumbfounded- and struggling to assemble or use the product. They need to hire someone whose native language is English to proofread.

I think, besides hiring a person with strong grammar skills, you need to hire a person like me. Very little tech skills so if I can't get the program to do what I want without screaming for my tech-savvy sons to help me, then you have a problem with the way the program works, or at least you need to simplify it. I wasn't born with computers and electronic games and such in my hands like the current generations, who are most likely writing your programs. To them, it's easy (unless we're talking about grammar). You have to give us 'more creative, less techy' people a break. And your 'help' button is mostly useless. Really. If it was easy to use, I could stop being afraid of my kids moving out, leaving me in a technological panic. 

There are other issues with the program, but I'll stop here, I think the message is clear. Hire an English major when you're working with the written language.  

Have a nice day.

Char