Ready....Well, Almost

  Before I start diving into academic reading, writing, and angsting, there are a few things I need to do first. 

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1. Clear the calendar. I've resigned as a trustee from my church, left the critique group I started years ago. I've declined volunteering opportunities. I've alerted people that I need as much time for schoolwork as possible. 

2. Clean out. The office, old files, and junk on my computer have all been tackled. I don't want to wade through stuff I don't need or use.

3. Buy it now! As soon as I know what books and supplies I need, I'll get them that day. It will give me time to not only make sure I get everything I need, but look over things and start reading and assignments early.

4. Plan for the unexpected. Homework and quizzes are due on 11:59 p.m. on Tuesdays and Fridays. I have handbell practice on Tuesday (I had to keep one social activity), so I need to make sure that I don't wait to the last minute in case something comes up. 

5. Believe and breathe. I know I can do this, but I have to keep believing, especially when things get tough. When things get tough, and they will, I have to breathe through the panic and push ahead. 

I think I'm ready.

Char   

Round 2: Don't Do This To Me...

 Ok, I've finished the book I was reading/critiquing. I'm happy to say that it did improve. BUT... still a few things to rant and whine about:

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1. During a love scene, too many authors have their female characters make a 'mewling' noise. What the hell is that? Does she have cat DNA? There are groans, moans, grunts, gasps, whimpers, whines, murmurs, sighs, pants, gulps, and breaths. The Oxford American Thesaurus doesn't even list 'mewling' and Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language lists 'mewl' as: "verb, the sound of a crying child." Soooo not what should be used in an adult love scene. Please authors, stop using it, it sounds wrong on multiple levels.

2. I understand there are regional and cultural trends for some words, like y'all for all of you, and some authors don't use swear words (after all, your mom or kids could be reading your work), BUT... don't use stupid words: freakadilly, freakadilly circus (really, you had to go there twice?) crapple, and Christmas on a cracker. And if your alpha male character uses them? I'm liking him a little less. If you can't use the milder 'damn' or 'hell' then be nebulous- "He swore" and save us the cringe. 

3. If a character, male or female, constantly lectures, I'm out of there. No one likes a nag. And to have a strong male character sit still for two or more pages of being lectured and nagged means he isn't so alpha. And, honestly, I think he's a twit. Who would stand for that? I love my parents, but I didn't listen to that much nagging. Ok, the character needs some tough love and brutal, honest words, but after a while, I wanted to tell the lecturer to shut up and look at her own life. She was sounding like a mother, not a lover. And life always comes down to learning the hard way; few of us learned our lessons by being lectured into a coma.

4. Even after a thorough lecture, what character or person has instant understanding of their psychological or emotional issues? If it were that easy, every person with an issue could go to someone to lecture them extensively and fix the problem. Self-realization. Takes. Time. 

5. This one issue irritates me not only because the author used it, but because she should know better: misused clichés. The saying is NOT "eat on me." It is "eat at me." Again, there may be regional or cultural differences, or even current slang that change a saying, but this one is just WRONG. 

I finished that book and went on to the next one. Here are two more things that irk me:

1. When I submitted a romance story, I had two editors tell me that the romance/attraction had to be immediate. 

No.

1- Many readers and authors, even other editors and agents, hate the 'insta love' aspect- falling in love immediately. I can see attraction, but I refuse to do it in the first chapter because I need to show readers who the main characters are; a little background, a little trouble in their life, etc. I refuse to have two characters meet in a dumb way- like the overused 'spills his coffee on her' trope. I need at least 2 chapters to set the scene. A great number of books don't get to the romance/meet/attraction for several chapters and that feels more 'organic' to use a cliché. Heck, even Cinderella and Snow White didn't meet their true loves for at least two or more chapters. 

2. Covers. I have heard many times that the cover should accurately reflect some aspect of the novel. Don't show me a cover with a guy/gal on the cover who doesn't look anything like the character described- wrong hair/skin color, or a setting that doesn't appear in the book, wrong dress for the era, etc. I feel like the publisher cheated; offered me something and pulled a switcheroo. 

Okay, I think I'm done with my criticisms, rants, whines, and desk poundings. 

Wishing you all sunshine, unicorns, world peace, and great hair days-

Char

Don't Do This To Me...

 I'm doing some fun reading before I delve into required reading for school. 

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I'm annoyed.

I understand authors have different styles from mine, but there are certain habits that just irritate me to no end. It doesn't matter if the author is a newbie or a world famous figure. The book I'm currently reading boasts that the author is a NY Times bestseller, and the category is contemporary romance. To set the scene, it's 'alpha male, self-made rich CEO type.' Here are my Yes - Def No notes:

YES - alpha male, muscular, tough, worldly cowboy. 

NO - I just met the character and I KNOW he would NOT use a word like "freakadilly." That silly word is more suited to the effervescent, optimistic female main character. If the reader can pick this up, why didn't the agent/editor/copyeditor?

YES - Describe the scene, the mood, the thoughts, the kiss, etc.

NO - Don't stay stuck in the 3 -3 pattern: 3 lines of 3 adjectives. That's a total of 9 descriptive adjectives (especially when you repeat them....). Overkill and tedious.

YES - Show the kiss.

NO - Diminish the tension because we're so in her head that there was no kiss back action from her. this gorgeous guy is giving her a lethal kiss and she's.... contemplating. 

YES - Tell us he left town ten years ago; we get a picture of a strained homecoming, tense relationships.

NO - Don't keep repeating it, we remember.

YES - Close eyes during a kiss.

NO - Don't give me 2 pages of thought and action before she closes her eyes. Is she staring at him the whole time? 

YES - There are always doubts about a budding relationship.

NO - Please don't make the 26-year-old female character sound like a high school teenager: yes he likes me, no he doesn't, yes, no, yes, no constantly. 

Also,  the punctuation and sentence structure didn't always jive; too many times the sentences were choppy and there were too many unnecessary exclamation points. It made the text read as juvenile. 

Purple prose. Too many times the prose got out of hand and I found myself skipping ahead a few lines.

Crepuscular? Who uses that word? As Beatrix Potter (Tales of Peter Rabbit) said, "the shorter and the plainer, the better."

I get irked when a love scene is so dragged out with too much thinking; the character is stopping in the middle of physical action to give us a treatise on life, love, and the future. 

I'm barely halfway through the book. I don't think the second half will be much different, but I'll finish it with the hope that it will improve. I'll let you know how it goes.

Char