Round 2: Don't Do This To Me...

 Ok, I've finished the book I was reading/critiquing. I'm happy to say that it did improve. BUT... still a few things to rant and whine about:

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

1. During a love scene, too many authors have their female characters make a 'mewling' noise. What the hell is that? Does she have cat DNA? There are groans, moans, grunts, gasps, whimpers, whines, murmurs, sighs, pants, gulps, and breaths. The Oxford American Thesaurus doesn't even list 'mewling' and Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language lists 'mewl' as: "verb, the sound of a crying child." Soooo not what should be used in an adult love scene. Please authors, stop using it, it sounds wrong on multiple levels.

2. I understand there are regional and cultural trends for some words, like y'all for all of you, and some authors don't use swear words (after all, your mom or kids could be reading your work), BUT... don't use stupid words: freakadilly, freakadilly circus (really, you had to go there twice?) crapple, and Christmas on a cracker. And if your alpha male character uses them? I'm liking him a little less. If you can't use the milder 'damn' or 'hell' then be nebulous- "He swore" and save us the cringe. 

3. If a character, male or female, constantly lectures, I'm out of there. No one likes a nag. And to have a strong male character sit still for two or more pages of being lectured and nagged means he isn't so alpha. And, honestly, I think he's a twit. Who would stand for that? I love my parents, but I didn't listen to that much nagging. Ok, the character needs some tough love and brutal, honest words, but after a while, I wanted to tell the lecturer to shut up and look at her own life. She was sounding like a mother, not a lover. And life always comes down to learning the hard way; few of us learned our lessons by being lectured into a coma.

4. Even after a thorough lecture, what character or person has instant understanding of their psychological or emotional issues? If it were that easy, every person with an issue could go to someone to lecture them extensively and fix the problem. Self-realization. Takes. Time. 

5. This one issue irritates me not only because the author used it, but because she should know better: misused clichés. The saying is NOT "eat on me." It is "eat at me." Again, there may be regional or cultural differences, or even current slang that change a saying, but this one is just WRONG. 

I finished that book and went on to the next one. Here are two more things that irk me:

1. When I submitted a romance story, I had two editors tell me that the romance/attraction had to be immediate. 

No.

1- Many readers and authors, even other editors and agents, hate the 'insta love' aspect- falling in love immediately. I can see attraction, but I refuse to do it in the first chapter because I need to show readers who the main characters are; a little background, a little trouble in their life, etc. I refuse to have two characters meet in a dumb way- like the overused 'spills his coffee on her' trope. I need at least 2 chapters to set the scene. A great number of books don't get to the romance/meet/attraction for several chapters and that feels more 'organic' to use a cliché. Heck, even Cinderella and Snow White didn't meet their true loves for at least two or more chapters. 

2. Covers. I have heard many times that the cover should accurately reflect some aspect of the novel. Don't show me a cover with a guy/gal on the cover who doesn't look anything like the character described- wrong hair/skin color, or a setting that doesn't appear in the book, wrong dress for the era, etc. I feel like the publisher cheated; offered me something and pulled a switcheroo. 

Okay, I think I'm done with my criticisms, rants, whines, and desk poundings. 

Wishing you all sunshine, unicorns, world peace, and great hair days-

Char

Judgement Days

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich from Pexels 

The controversy surrounding Simone Biles' decision to withdraw from several events at the Tokyo Olympics has shown all too clearly how many judge her. Without discussing any merits (or lack thereof), Simone and other public figures face the same thing authors do- constant judgement. 

In no way am I equating the difficulty of her position nor the harshness of public commentary to what other authors and myself receive, but it's akin. Authors are constantly judged: by editors, agents, bloggers, libraries, booksellers, review organizations, readers, other authors, and even family and friends, to say nothing of our own judgements. Too many people say "toughen up" to athletes, artists, authors, and others in the spotlight because we "chose" to be in the spotlight. 

Um, not necessarily. Like Simone, I want to use my talent. She does impossible, death-defying leaps and flips, I write stories. Just because we exercise our talents and the world views them, doesn't mean that we should be open to any and all criticisms. Yes, it comes with the job, but no, that's not a free license. While most of the criticism and judgement I've received as an author has been constructive and made me a better writer, not all of it was, even by industry 'experts.' Sometimes it felt patronizing, condescending, even cruel. Kind of like a middle-aged broadcaster sitting on his butt who never excelled in anything athletic telling Simone that she's weak and an embarrassment and she needs to toughen up mentally because he doesn't understand the sport or the situation. Armchair gymnast. But she has shown herself to be graceful, poised, and defiant. A class act all the way. That's the lesson, hard as it is to bear (trust me, I know), that authors, especially beginning ones, need to learn. We are creating an entertainment and as such, it opens us up to criticism from all sides. Some can deal with it, others can't. Even with a bestseller, there's always commentary from those who don't write about the next success, the next achievement, and how long till then, and what the public expects. One can study and memorize all the moves a gymnast makes, but in the end, without having performed them, the person criticizing is not a total expert. Likewise, one can read all the books, write critical essays and point out flaws, but if it's from the perspective of someone who doesn't write, well, it's not the absolute. I've been given bad advice from experts, but the thing to remember is the perspective- it's theirs and it won't necessarily be the best from my perspective. 

I'm not going to tell anyone to get a 'thick skin' which new writers are constantly advised. Take from the criticisms what you will, what you agree with, what works. In the end, it's your journey and sometimes you have to ignore the noise from the crowd and do your own thing. 

Keep writing- and believing in yourself. Be a Simone Biles.

Char

Top Five Reasons Not to Indie Publish

 You're thinking about going the Indie route. I hear ya; traditional publishing is almost completely closed without an agent, especially since all the writers conferences have been cancelled. Before you get all giddy about finally becoming a published author, here are the five reasons YOU SHOULDN'T INDIE PUBLISH:

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

1.  Crappy cover art. If you're not a tech whiz, or know anyone who can create an amazing ORIGINAL cover, then don't bother. Covers generate interest before the story, before any queries, before your name. Spend the time and/or money to get a great cover. Remember, if it was done by someone for free, generally it looks it. 

2.  Not enough or no editing. I've seen bestsellers from giant publishing houses with the occasional typo, wrong tense, time flub, etc. It happens. When these mistakes run all through your manuscript, it looks like you simply slapped that puppy on Amazon as soon as you could. If you did that with your manuscript when you were submitting to agents and/or editors, no wonder you're considering Indie publishing.

3.  "I'm going to make sooo much money!" Yeah. No. Does it happen? Once in a while, yes. I'm sure people can give me two or three names of mega successful Indie authors; I can show you ten thousand who didn't. Don't be fooled into thinking if you throw something up for $.99, that people won't care if it's not perfect and you'll make thousands because people want cheap. Hint: they don't care if they spend under a dollar or over $30; the book better be good or no one's buying it.

4. Your tagline (the 1-2 sentences giving the reader a short preview about your book) is better than the actual book. Anyone can write a sentence about a story- you have to live up to it. And if you don't, even if you give the book away for a promo, word will get around and no one will want it, even if it is free. Crap is crap and no one thinks it's a deal to get it for nothing.

5. It's soooo easy! Again, yeah, no. It's not. One simply doesn't write the story, pop on a cover, and put it up for sale (or at least, one shouldn't). Selling an Indie book is harder than a traditionally published book. While publishing houses are demanding more marketing by authors and cutting down what publicity they will help with (unless of course you're already famous), an Indie author-publisher has nothing. You will have to foot the bill for the free books you send to reviewers, to bloggers, as a promo, etc. You have to figure out how to get into book festivals and stores who generally want nothing to do with Indie authors. Indie authors are still pretty much the ugly, unwanted stepchild. There is nothing easy about going it alone so don't listen to anyone (especially a 'publisher' that will 'help' you for a fee....).

As a hybrid author (4 books with traditional publishers: Sirenz, Sirenz Back in Fashion, Blonde OPS, Beware the Little White Rabbit - anthology, 3 Indie pubbed)- Evolution Revolution trilogy: Simple Machines, Simple Plans, Simple Lessons) I can definitely tell you that traditional may be demanding as far as pleasing an editor who has a 'vision' for the book that you may not totally agree with, and a crazy deadline schedule, but more doors open for a traditionally pubbed author. I don't want to discourage you, but see above. If any of these apply to you, maybe you want to consider dental school.

I wrote this post because I got a free download of a book from an ad on Facebook. Indie book- she's doing her own marketing, good for her! Part of #5 is taken care of. The cover looked amazing. Yay! she conquered #1, I'm really interested! If I like the first one, I'll pay for the rest of the series! I don't know her motivation, so I can't speak for #3, but since she's done well so far, let's assume she's not just thinking moolah, but is dedicated to her creativity. Uh oh, snag. I hit problems with #2. The tagline drew me to the story, and initially, the manuscript lived up to the hype- for about half a chapter. With all the errors: spelling, grammar, timeline, and format (missing or misplaced words, sentences ending in the middle of the line and continuing on the next line), it just killed me. I liked the premise and I think this writer could have a good story if only she had spent the time reviewing, revising, and getting someone to give her honest advice. It would help considerably if she previewed the ebook before okaying it to go live. The mistakes were so frequent that I honestly can't finish the book. I'd like to know what happened to the characters, but not enough to waste my time grinding my teeth over all the mistakes. So she lost the sale of every sequel because of the first sloppy book.   

Do I feel bad? Not particularly. I spent so much time getting my illustrations and words and format on my Evolution Revolution series as perfect as I could (and still a few mistakes got through...) that I have no patience for anyone that lets that many mistakes go, brushing it off as possibly unimportant because it's 'about the story.' Don't kid yourself, it's about the total package. Maybe someone will review it and tell her and she'll get it. And no, I'm not going to name the book for the same reason I don't do reviews; no one thanks the messenger.

Char

Enough! The Gloves Come Off...

No one knows better than me how tough the book business is. Unless you're a famous, or have hit the bestseller list with a previous book, authors have to do more and more of the marketing, public relations, and selling of their books with decreasing help from publishers. Everyone's scrambling for money and attention.

But that's not what I'm complaining about. Today, it's about trolls. Specifically, one who promises 'honest' book reviews and helpful marketing. They posted once in my comments, clearly trying to sell me on their services, and I allowed it.

Then they started posting two and three times (or more) on subsequent posts, even those that didn't relate to writing, like last week's post about my painting patio chairs. I've marked them as spam, but somehow they still manage to post in my comments.

So, NEVER USE HONESTBOOKREVIEWS.COM because they troll you until you want to commit felony homicide. (Maybe this will get their attention.) Seriously, if you have to harass and torment a writer to get them to look at your services (we won't), then how good can your service be? These people are as bad as the Replacements by Anderson Windows (they keep calling, mailing, leaving leaflets for new windows WHEN WE HAVE NEW WINDOWS...BY ANDERSON). I would never recommend these two because of the unrelenting harassment.

And as long as I'm ranting- PLEASE STOP SENDING ME STUFF: ASPCA, Disabled American Vets, St. Judes, USO, American Heart Association, and American Cancer Society, to name a few. I support a number of charities. There is only so much I can donate. I make these donations once a year, in October. Save $$ and stop with the 'gifts' which make me believe you're wasting the money I send you to help people and animals by SENDING STUPID STUFF. Playing cards? Almost everyone uses their iPad or laptop. Cards? People send email greetings. Calculator? Use my phone, thanks. And NO ONE really uses a paper calendar anymore.

So chill with sales pitches and stuff, save the earth by reducing this waste, and don't talk to me until October. Then you can all duke it out for donations.

Oh, and here's a picture of my kitty to make you feel better about being a pain in the ass.

Char

The Bestseller Dilemma

When I go on vacation, I take several books. This year, I took two from one of my favorite authors. I quickly read them. My cousin finished her book (only 1????) so we switched. There were several things that both books had in common:

Both were written by bestselling authors.

Both authors were world known.

Both authors wrote 30 books or more.

And they shared another aspect; the more famous the authors became, the less editing was done on their books. Both books had numerous repetitions; not just two, three times saying the same thing, but almost every chapter.

I find that so annoying. Being a bestseller shouldn't make you immune from good editing. What's required from new writers- conciseness- should be required from established authors. I have noticed this among other bestselling authors (no, I'm not going to name them and commit author suicide). It's like laws that the average citizen has to obey, but somehow politicians and the very rich think don't apply to them. Makes you mad, right?

I finished the books because one was a favorite author, and the other because I wanted to know the ending.

And after snorkeling, dancing, partyboating, dining, swimming, and sunning, what else was there to do?

Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Till next time....

Char

Blurb, Blurb, Blurb...

Congratulations! Someone asked you to write a blurb for their novel.

After reading the book, it doesn't feel like an honor anymore, it feels like a trap.

Because you don't like the book.

You don't want to insult the author/friend with an honest "I didn't like it" tag, nor do you want to lie "I loved it!"

Sticky situation, yes, but it doesn't have to be, you're getting yourself worked up for nothing. You don't have to say you loved it, or even liked it. You are not required to mention the love triangle would bore your 90-year-old Puritan grandmother, or the over-description slowed the pace so much a snail was Indy 500 worthy in comparison. Nowhere are there rules for writing blurbs- except one: it has to come from the heart. Seems like a conundrum?

Consider this: "Fashion, witty prose, intrigue, and action- Blonde OPS has it all!" Author/publisher/ friend Shannon Delany wrote this blurb. Does it tell you if she absolutely adored it? No. Couldn't put it down? Nope. Had to create a fan club or she'd die? No way. What Delany does is tell you what the novel has: fashion, witty prose, intrigue, and action (all true). Those key words alone should help the reader decide if they want to read it. Using my own books as illustration (lest there be any misunderstanding about how wonderful everyone else's book is), here is the review for Sirenz Back in Fashion from Booklist: "The experiences of this sartorial odd couple are funny and entertaining... Bennardo and Zaman are bringing the gods into the twenty-first century." What a great review, right?

Well, kind of. Booklist was middle of the road; it liked some aspects, didn't like others. Those ellipses means there are other words in between the quotes. When using a not-starred review, authors, publishers, agents, and publicists put a positive spin on it by kind of hopping over the not-so-nice parts.

That's how you have to think- compartmentalize. List what you liked about the story; it could be that it's sci fi, that it has a dragon, that there is a tender romance. A few choice words are all that is needed. If I was asked to blurb Game of Thrones, which after three years I still haven't finished the first book because it's so dense, here's what I would say: "Rich and vivid description, deadly royal intrigue, and a diverse cast of villainy, Game of Thrones will keep you wondering who's next to die..." All that is true. And really, I constantly wondered who was the next corpse. Nowhere do I say I love it, or that you should spend your money on the books. Readers have to decide that for themselves. Perusing a few pages will tell them if it's something they would like.

So don't fret if someone asks you to do a blurb. You won't commit a mortal sin by helping an author out with a few words, even if you don't like the story. Blurbs are important because it may draw a potential reader in when they glance at the back cover. With so many books out there, decisions have to be made where to spend limited money. Books without a blurb may leave the impression that they aren't 'good' because no one will endorse them. Celebrities and well-known authors have no trouble getting blurbs. For a mid-list or debut author without connections, it's a struggle. I have seven books (soon eight) with my name on them and getting blurbs from the writing community is a nightmare (and I don't know any celebs) because they are afraid to commit.

Blurbs are an important starting point to book success. If you can help bring a reader to a book, it's the author's job to keep them in. Please say yes and gift the author with a few well-chosen words.

Char