5 Things I Hate About Christmas Movies

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

 

I am the biggest fan of Christmas out there. I set up all my decorations and tree the day after Thanksgiving. Almost every room has Christmas decorations (except my sons' - they are grinches). One of the best parts of Christmas is yes, the sappy movies. 

But... there are things I hate about those movies. If you're going to write/produce a Christmas story, please DON'T do these:

1. Have the hero be able to save Christmas with Santa by re-wiring the electrical panel by twisting two wires together. Yeah, it ain't that simple. I'm not an electrician, although I have a cousin who is, so I KNOW it's not that easy. Just make it a tripped breaker. If you don't know what that means, you need to talk to a professional. Throwing in something you haven't researched only irritates readers who can see through it. Don't go for the quick, easy way. If something is too complicated, then simplify.

2. Have the two love interests do the following: have a 'surprise' snowball hit, 'suddenly' bump (as in spill the coffee all over them) at an awkward or convenient time, or win a contest for something where they're up against the people who win every year. I roll my eyes but I really want to gag.

3. Introduce a last-minute 'magical' element to save the story. If there's magic all through the story, I'm good with that; I believe in the magic of the season. It's the holiday of miracles- but not a last minute pull-the-rabbit-out-of-the-hat to save the day magic. It's hokey and a lazy way out. The fans aren't pleased.

4. No snow in places where it's not supposed to be, like California (unless it's in the mountains). Even in The Year Without a Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus had to enlist the help of Mother Nature. Again, unless there's a magical element, it's tooooo convenient. (Almost) everyone wants a white Christmas, but statistically, it doesn't happen a lot, especially as global climate change has us wearing a light sweater in December rather than mittens and boots. I get the whole ambiance of the idea, but seeing sheets of cotton doesn't feel like Christmas. 

5. The decorations. I LOVE Christmas decorations, but it seems the decorations in the movies are either made up of too sparsely decorated trees with not enough ornaments or lights, to places where there are bows on the kitchen cabinets. Who hangs garland from every single doorway? I have never seen real people do that. I know some people who have so much going on in their homes it looks like a Christmas store, but in the movies EVERYONE decorates to the max. And this is a pet peeve- fake snow that is too obviously fake. Cotton does not look like snow, especially when someone steps on a blanket of it. I understand there can't be real snow since most of the movies are filmed in warm locations or seasons without snow, but at least don't have the actors walk on the blankets. Have them walk up a clean walkway and then it's a little easier for me to believe that's snow.

I'm writing two Christmas stories so I have Lifetime and Hallmark movies on to help remind me not to do the above. Ultimately, I love sappy movies even with a few plot faux pas because they put me in the Christmas mood. 

Blessings of the season-

Char

Just Ignore the Science... Really!

I was chatting with my middle son, an engineering/math major, and he told me that it would be impossible for squirrels like my character Jack in the Evolution Revolution series to learn to use simple machines. When I mentioned Koko, the gorilla that learned sign language, he pointed out that Koko could answer she was 'fine' when asked 'How are you?' but did not ask the same question in return. For her, there was only that moment. Because of that sense of only here and now, she could not 'imagine' any action and its consequences. It would not be possible, my son argued, for Jack, even though he's learned about rolling and sees a rock impeding a wheel from moving, to apply this knowledge to stop bulldozers from coming into his wood. My argument was that squirrels share what they learn with other squirrels, thus 'disproving' (in my mind) that animals only think in the here and now, because teaching others to defeat a food puzzle (i.e. bird feeder), results in future gain.

Photo courtesy of Chris Carter, Pexels

I have some scientific basis for my argument. In a study published in Current Zoology, Professor Thomas Hills, a co-author, asserts that animals which can simulate future actions "must be able to distinguish between their imagined actions and those that are actually experienced." (In my case, it's Jack blocking the wheels on the construction machines because he already did so on a wheelchair, or me watching videos of squirrels solve puzzles and then teach other squirrels.) The authors say their data supports the concept that animals which can 'simulate environments and conceive the future must have some form of self-awareness," and this means projecting themselves into the future in a situation.

My son disagrees.

We will have to agree to disagree. It may not happen now or even in the near future, but I believe animal intellect is slowly increasing, evolving. But that's not science, that's imagination.

Sometimes though, you have to ignore the science. So many books, TV shows, and films would not exist if we simply followed the science. American astrophysicist Neil Degrasse Tyson posted on social media that he was watching the sci fi movie, Armageddon even though it's got rotten science. (Apparently we can't blow a giant meteor in half with a nuclear bomb, and even if it were possible, the fragments hitting the earth would be life-ending events on their own.) There are numerous incidents which are impossible, at least with current knowledge, in many movies, TV shows, and novels. Staying within what we actually know would limit our imagination, and maybe not inspire future generations to achieve what was dreamed/proposed in creative works. (Cell phones first appeared in the original Star Trek.)

So, ignore the science - (but not all; some things are irrefutable like the laws of physics, and you don't want to be obviously ignorant about basic science or the audience won't believe your story.) Creativity and imagination sets us apart from all other animals...

At least for now.

Char 

Bwahahahahahahahaha! Did I Scare You?

It's time for Halloween!

Some of us love it, hate it or are obsessed with it. In the spirit of a happy medium. I'm taking a simple poll: What are your fave scary/Halloween movies? The categories, and my humble opinion, are:

Vampires: My absolute is Dracula, with Frank Langella (1979). Why? Because he made evil attractive, and death a nuisance- a trait I think humans maybe too gladly embrace. (But I was torn with Underworld Evolution (2006- loved Kate Beckinsale!)

Werewolves: Without a doubt, The Howling (1981). Dee Wallace is blithely ignoring danger signals--we know what's lurking in the woods. The best scene is when someone is in the psychiatrist's office, spying, and a werewolf hand reaches over to take the file. OMG.

Zombies: This is a toss up: I adored Warm Bodies (2013) because no matter how evil a person is perceived to be (aka R in the movie) we all think (and hope) that there is a spark of humanity in the worst of us. The other choice is Zombieland (2009). It shows that it's not always might--but basic common sense--that determines who lives. And, I like how the gals are not screaming, helpless twits who constantly need to be saved or are the victims.

Mummies: Without a doubt I don't think there is any competition--it has to be The Mummy (1999) with Brandon Fraser. Although, I would love to see a movie of Anne Rice's Rameses The Damned. I think it has potential to be the best mummy movie ever.

Witches/witchcraft: This is a hard one because you have funny movies like Hocus Pocus (1993, and the sequel coming!) or dramatic ones like Practical Magic (1998), but I'd have to choose The Witches of Eastwick (1987) because again, it all starts out so innocently...

Ghost: I could go the romantic route with Patrick Swayze in Ghost (1997), because we'd all love to believe our loved ones could touch our lives once more before moving on to a paradise. But for pure scare I nominate The Woman In Black (2012) with Daniel Radcliffe because of the ending. Others, like the Paranormal series, made me squeal, but I think this movie portrayed the essential elements of a ghost story- fright, uncertainty, doubt in one's mental state- and the important twist at the end.

Haunted place: The Legend of Hell House (1973) ties with The Shining (1980). Both creeped me out because you never knew if the person next to you was caught up in the weird occurrences--until it's too late.

Now there are lots of movies that were more frightening, but I chose these for the overall feel of believability (although I don't think there ever will be zombies, vamps, werewolves, etc.), because sometimes we're not sure if it's real or just our imagination...

Boo!

Have a Happy Halloween!

Char

(All pics courtesy of Microsoft)

Namely, Cheating.

Not a very original title for a post about naming your characters. Plus, I've done posts where I've interviewed a number of YA authors (some VERY well known) about how they go about naming their characters. Some have complex rules about syllables in the first name than last, some mix and match sounds, some do research for cosmic significance, some go through the family tree, etc.

I'm too lazy. Plus, (shhh!  a secret here-) not everyone in the family deserves to be in one of my novels or the character with their name would tick them off because no one wants to be the bad guy/gal. Avoid using family names, it can only lead to trouble.

So I cheat. Rather, I like to call it Inspirational Smack. When I need a name for a main character, I watch a movie or TV show.

No, I don't steal famous names. I steal names from the credits. Really. Sometimes a name just jumps out at you and smacks me in virtual face, it's so perfect. I read the names that scroll after a show ends, and get an endless source of unusual, typical, ethnic, and cross cultural names. Watch the wide screen and let Hollywood do the work for you. It's like walking through Macy's and seeing the most perfect pair of shoes; out of all the others, one pair seems to shine, drawing your eye and you know it's the perfect choice. Plus, these are real people getting credit for working so you have a valid case when someone says "No one would name their child that!" Yes they do, and it's in black and white, out in cyberspace.

 And your character has been given an imaginary birth certificate with a legal name.

But don't stop there. Even if you have all your characters' names, you'll be writing more novels or stories, right? Start a list of names that just grab you. That's how I got the name for my main character in my sci fi, Lethal Dose. His name is Dalen. I saw the name in a book of baby names and knew that one day I'd need it for one of my works. It was on my list for several years and now has a body.

That's another great source: a baby name book. (I'm sure most of you know this.) I flip through the pages and when I see a moniker I like (other than the common ones like Sarah or Michael or Chris which I can just pull out of my head because we're surrounded by people with those names) I put it on the list. Then it's just a matter of picking a last name that fits. Sometimes zipping through the phone book can help, although I don't particularly like that method- it's too time consuming. You have to go through all the A's, B's, etc.

So, take the easy way out. Watch TV or a movie and solve one of the biggest problems of being an author: finding the perfect name for your character.

Char