Help Needed: English Pros and Non-Tech People

 Sometimes I wonder who creates and checks the Microsoft word processing software. I'm not talking about making the software run or fixing glitches, I'm talking about their so called 'grammar' expert.

(Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels)

'Cause they ain't no expert. 

Follow:

Those annoying underline dots where they insist that a semicolon is needed. Um, no. I put a comma for a reason. Like everything else in English grammar, there are rules that can, and sometimes should, be broken or ignored. This program does not recognize any digression. Even when warranted.

When I put in a rhetorical question, it demands a question mark. Ok, I'll give them that one even though there are instances when it is so obviously not a question. AI is only as smart as we make it (so far).

The thing that bugs me the most, other than the screwy way to add and modify headers? Insisting on commas where one isn't needed. I think I know better than you, Microsoft, about commas. No, I'm absolutely positive I know where to use commas better than you. I have an English degree and a journalism degree. I've had newspaper and magazine articles, and several books published. I write my own weekly blog and a monthly post for another. I'm in the middle of writing and/or revising several books. Your word processing software was created, most likely, by a techy person who writes code, not paragraphs or books. I think you're just going to have to trust me on this. Often times your program reminds me of those instructions that come with products from other nations where English is probably the last language they use, yet they print out directions that leave English-speaking people dumbfounded- and struggling to assemble or use the product. They need to hire someone whose native language is English to proofread.

I think, besides hiring a person with strong grammar skills, you need to hire a person like me. Very little tech skills so if I can't get the program to do what I want without screaming for my tech-savvy sons to help me, then you have a problem with the way the program works, or at least you need to simplify it. I wasn't born with computers and electronic games and such in my hands like the current generations, who are most likely writing your programs. To them, it's easy (unless we're talking about grammar). You have to give us 'more creative, less techy' people a break. And your 'help' button is mostly useless. Really. If it was easy to use, I could stop being afraid of my kids moving out, leaving me in a technological panic. 

There are other issues with the program, but I'll stop here, I think the message is clear. Hire an English major when you're working with the written language.  

Have a nice day.

Char 

Reality vs. Fantasy

The fantasy was to complete everything on my list for January. The items on my list were:

1. Do the critique for my group.
2. Do two revisions for Sirenz 3: A New Trend.
3. Revise my Island Girl manuscript.
4. Outline the third book in my twisted classics series.
5. Outline a new romance.
6. Set up some advertising for the Evolution Revolution series.

I knew it was ambitious, and I didn't really expect to get everything done. 

The reality: I didn't even get half done. But to be fair, I got other things done.

This is what I accomplished in my writing:

1. The critique for my group.
2. One revision for Sirenz 3.
3. Made notes for a 4th book in the Evolution Revolution series.

Here's what I accomplished elsewhere:

Um... 

1. Time with family and friends.
2. Resting up after the holidays.
3. Cleaning up after the holidays.

I know, not very impressive. And I won't finish the list in February either. (But I have a good excuse! Actually, several.) I hosted a Super Bowl party, with my mom I cleaned out and organized every closet and most of the drawers in the house (except for my sons', they can do their own), I spent a week at my parent's house, helping with my stepdad who had knee replacement surgery, and worked on preparing my sci fi for my agent to send on submission (which required a great deal of swearing at Microsoft for glitches). 

Phew!

There are still a few days left, but I'm working on another manuscript revision (my Faery tale) so it can get sent out. I've booked two book events, wrote a few blogs, and did some book research. 

Sometimes, a list is a good reminder, and other times it's a pain in the butt because it shows how much I haven't accomplished. But, as my example above showed, tasks get accomplished which aren't on the list. And most importantly, some things take priority- like taking care of family, spending quality time with them, and sometimes, just getting away from the grind of writing to do mundane things to give the brain a break. 

So what I didn't accomplish in January and February will go on the list of To Do for March, no doubt with several other tasks added onto the list. And I know I won't get them all done (I still foolishly hope I will, but I'm not holding my breath or taking bets that I will.) I've learned not to get frustrated (well, mostly). Eventually everything gets done. As the saying goes, "Don't sweat the small stuff." 

Photo courtesy of Pixaby

And I can be happy all my closets look this neat. :) 

Char

What I Hate About Writing

Yep, I'm going to rant. You know, writing's not the glamorous job people think it is. Here are the 5 Things I Hate Most About Writing:

Photo courtesy of Pexels, Mohamed Abdelgaffar

1. Microsoft Word and every other word processing program. They are written by geeks, and therefore, there are always glitches, or rather, stupid things that makes writers and other non-geeky people yank out their hair because IT MAKES NO SENSE. Take headers. You can insert them, but it isn't that simple if you want page numbers in a certain place and a different first page and a title. I have spent the last half hour trying to get the page numbers on my sci fi manuscript to make sense. Why does it stop halfway through the document and then start over? I did not click on a box for that. Grrrrrr. And EVERY PROGRAM IS DIFFERENT. I don't want to learn another stupid, doesn't-make-sense program. I won't live long enough.

2.  I hate when critiques give you completely opposite advice. "Cut this character." "I love this character!" "Less dialog." "More dialog." How can I reconcile all this? Granted, some opinions hold more weight, like from an editor or agent, versus someone who hasn't published their first book...but readers know good stuff (it's why only editors and academics like James Joyce....).

3.  I hate when I make revisions- and the manuscript is WORSE. Do I throw out both manuscripts and start over? Do I try to fix one of them? Uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

4.  I hate when I have an idea, and I get the story written, but someone (i.e. editor, agent, crit group) says "I loved the premise sooooo much! But not the rest of the story."  *Bangs head against wall.

5.  When I have too many ideas to ever write them all in my lifetime because I'm busy fighting with the damn word processing software or revisions. You really don't know what you're going to miss...

Okay. Rant over. But I still haven't figured out the stupid headers.

Char

Doing It Old School

(Yes, I've been absent. Sometimes there are bigger things to contend with than doing my blog.

But I'm back.)

See this?

It's my dog-eared, 2002 version, I'm-the-only-one-who-uses-it thesaurus. My sons prefer the Google or Microsoft versions.

To which I say "Pbbbbbbbbbttt!"

The electronic versions SUCK. You get what, maybe 5 or 6 synonyms and one antonym. Excuse me while I don't get excited. Yeah, you find a word that works and use it, taking all of 10 seconds and go on your writing way. That's fine for amateurs.

I'm in the Big Leagues.

Nothing compares to picking up this baby, thumbing through its pages to uncover what you seek- a more precise word instead of settling for an 'ok, this works' substitute.

Example: you've used 'friend' a lot in your manuscript, play, short story. In my Oxford University Press American Thesaurus (the publisher knows and uses English better than Google or Microsoft) are the following entries:

companion
crony
playmate
soul mate
intimate
confidante
familiar
alter ego
ally
associate
pal
chum
buddy
backer
supporter
benefactor
well-wisher
angel

See the choices? Each one a little more subtle in meaning than the next, opening up a flood of inspiration for the next sentence or even paragraph.

And that's not all.

As I thumb through some of the dirty, wrinkled, maybe torn pages, I am reminded of words that I haven't seen or used in a long time. I'm introduced to new word friends that might just appear in the next sentence or paragraph. Sometimes I like to peruse (word I haven't used in a while, see that?) the verdant pages of words waiting to be discovered, used, or leading to other words. For a writer, it's like an ice cream store (better than candy).

So go old school once in a while and rediscover the thrill of all those words at your fingertips...

Char