On No You Didn't!

I'm a firm believer in "Paying It Forward" and "Random Act of Kindness." I did one yesterday, where I wrote thank yous to people who reach out to others. They won't expect it, which makes my little act even better--it'll be a surprise.  Today, I stopped and waved a woman to pass around my car (even though I was mid-turn and she stopped to wave me on) because it was safer for her not to be in the flow of traffic. Little acts don't have to be big, but they should be every day, in some way.

I don't do this every day (we all should) but I'm trying to make more of an effort to spread some courtesy, kindness, and compassion.

God knows humanity needs it; we are grumpy, rude, self-serving, impatient, discourteous, and cold. (And that doesn't even take into account NJ drivers.)

I was at the Y this morning to swim laps. All the deep water lanes were occupied and the only one left was at the shallower end, near where there's stair and access for people in wheel chairs. I had the lane to myself, but don't mind sharing. However, when three old timers came in to STAND AND TALK, getting in my way (I was there first, remember, I am not retired, I have a full schedule that doesn't include hanging out at the Y for lack of anything better to do) I was annoyed. One particular woman got bumped because she came into MY HALF OF THE LANE, then had the audacity to cheer when I'd gotten disgusted and left earlier than finishing my routine. (See above, and how she fits in.)

Why she can't meet her fellow slackers at the diner for coffee and kibbitzing instead of insisting on doing it at the Y I attribute to her selfishness. (Can you think of a valid reason for her actions? If so, let me know and I will acknowledge it next post.)

To combat my annoyance, anger, and rapid-fire bad thoughts which put me in a foul mood, I decided I would do something nice, even if it was a small gesture. Later, the woman in the parking lot gave me a nice smile, and I felt happier.

So, lady at the Y, you're not going to ruin my day, or make me like you--I choose to be kind, and to share that kindness.

P.S. Lay off the chitchat and the donuts, and actually SWIM--you'll be healthier.

Char

Try to remember...

...those who served, who died in service, whose lives were never the same for our freedom and defense.

For my father, William Perry Johnson (US Navy, deceased), my uncle, Edward Johnson (US Navy), my uncle, Russell Hurst (US Army): we honor your dedication, service, sacrifice, and love of country.

And for all those I don't know, I remember you with my heart and this dedication.

Be at peace.

Char

Financial Fantasy

Did you see the winner of that big lottery? I think it was $570 million. I had to stop and ponder two things:

1- Why does one person need this much money? I think once the lottery hits $10 million, they should keep it there until there's a winner. You can't live long enough to spend $570, even with the government taking almost half (unless of course you want to buy out Donald Trump). Wouldn't it be better for 57 people to win $10 mill each rather than one with $570 mill?

2- If a person wins the lottery, they should be required to put aside $1 million, because they usually act like morons, outspending their winnings. It's a sad fact that most lottery winners end up bankrupt- and on welfare. It seems like counting all that money kills common sense brain cells.

What would I do if I won the lottery? Let's say it's $10 million:

1- Donate $1 mill to charity- half to my church because they do a lot of good works even while they pay their mortgage, utility bills, give to other charities, and half to the Wounded Warrior Project because vets are grossly underserved and ignored by our government and our society, especially wounded vets.

2- Pay off all my bills (mortgage, credit cards, etc.) A safe, legal way to deprive corrupt banks and greedy corporations of as much interest as I can.

3- Put aside $1 mill IN TRUST for each of my three boys. They can't touch it until they are 30 or they use it for school, setting up a business, etc. I chose the age of 30 because as they near 21 years old, I'm not convinced that they could handle that much responsibility. And because if they couldn't, I wouldn't want all the money to go to creditors, begging friends, crooks, strangers with a sad tale, and stupid stuff.

4- Pay the mortgage on my siblings' homes. Another legal opportunity to deprive banks of interest.

5- Buy a new car. Hey, mine is 12 years old, I don't think that buying a new car is that much of an extravagance. I wouldn't buy a Porsche or a Lambourghini because that's just impractical and invites disaster. I'm thinking more along the lines of a Cadillac CTS. I like them and hey, they're more comfy than a low to the ground sports car, easier to park than an oversized SUV, and roomier than a hybrid. And I'm supporting American jobs.

6- Pay someone to clean my house. I'm busy doing a lot of editing and writing and my house is suffering lately. Nothing like on Hoarders, but enough to perturb me. I'll be spreading the wealth around.

7- Pay a PR person to help me with my books. It's such a drain and takes time away from writing and fun stuff. And it's spreading the wealth around.

8- Go on a nice vacation. With the boys going to college, vacations (other than those in the back yard) are few and far between. I think after caring for 3 boys, a house, and all the other things I do, I deserve at least a week. I'm thinking Australia. And, I'm spreading the wealth around.

9- Get a makeover. Three boys, one husband, two cats, one house. More birthdays than I want to admit to. Again, spreading the wealth.

10- Put some away for a rainy day. And instead of the banks, I'll make the interest.

Char

Gal Pal Time!

This is where I was last week:

I love doing book signings, and this one was great because:

*We had a great organizer, Cathy Genna, from the East Brunswick Barnes & Noble who put this signing/educator event together. (Cathy won 'Bookseller of the Year' from the Romance Writers of America!)

*There was a good turnout from teachers and they asked questions.

*It was with fellow authors (we're all members of Kidlit Authors Club, but we do signings with non-members at events) that I like.

We talked to some teens, sold some books. We had fun!

I'll update my schedule so you can say hi!

Char

Some Things Just Can't Be Stopped...

Some things, once set in motion, are unstoppable. Nothing you do or say will deter either the person or the action.

It's like that with the hubs and his weedwhacker. The man is a menace to all things green. Take my clematis vine, which is supposed to wrap around my mailbox post. It should look something like this:

But it doesn't; it's been chopped down. Whacked. Annihilated.

Yes, I've put netting, a metal stake, and mulch around the plant so it's OBVIOUS something's there.

No matter, he still mutilates it. (Don't ask me how many butterfly bushes he's murdered.) In revenge, I wrote a scene about a character's dad who tortures his landscape--yeah, that's the hubs. Now his cruelty to my clematis is immortalized.

It's come down to me issuing an ultimatum: STAY AWAY FROM THE MAILBOX. If my clematis gets whacked one more time, I fear I will have to visit the nursery and buy the biggest, most expensive replacement so that if he goes near it, he will get sick at the thought of harming one little bud, a single leaf, or even disturbing a piece of mulch because of the $.

Wishing safety for all your plants,

Char

To Inifinity- If You Can Get Beyond...

Infinity: Without end. Endless. Never ending. Get the pic?

Right now I'm stuck in an infinity loop (actually two, but we'll get to that in a bit).

I'm queasy. I think it's from the headache; not quite a migraine (yet) but I had it when I went to bed and I think I had it all through sleep. I can't take any medication because I feel queasy. Where do I break into/out of the loop? I could take the chance and swallow a pain reliever, hoping it won't upset my stomach further, or I could try to wait out the headache.

It's like that with writing (my second loop), but it could be anything that poses a conundrum. You have a tough situation, but the cure/solution seems just as bad.

Sometimes we have to make tough decisions, take a chance. In my writing, I faced a block. I could start the project/chapter over which seemed so drastic, even painful.

I decided to wait it out. I raked my yard, cleaned out gardens, cleaned up the pool area, did laundry, etc; everything but face the problem. Somewhere between hauling a garbage can full of leaves to the compost pile and fixing the rosebush trellis which had broken and fallen over, the answer to my plot problem came to me. Now I knew how to make a good guy into a villain without being obvious. (I hate the obvious.) So after I post this, I need to revise that scene. Waiting brought the answer to my puzzle.

Waiting will not bring the cure to my headache/nausea. I fear my headache will only get worse, becoming a full blown migraine leaving me incapacitated. and then I really may puke my guts out. For this, it's better to put something in my stomach, swallow some medication, and take my chances.

If we all knew when to wait and when to jump in a tough situation, we could always make the right decisions and take the right actions. Most of the times, we just have to go with our gut.

Char

Can We Just Be Friends?

Oh, those dreaded words--especially when directed at you by someone you're interested in. In other scenarios, this is the best thing that could happen.

A blogger friend who has a critique group is in the midst of a war of words with a former prospective member that was asked to leave the group. I won't get in the middle of the conflict, but will offer general words of 'Do This, Don't Do That' guidelines for critique or any other groups.

1. Not everyone's going to like you--and you're not going to like everyone. As long as you're polite, brush off any comments or critiques that don't sit well. You're not all going to be best buds (or even buds), so don't make a big deal of it. This is not elementary school where you cry, wondering why someone doesn't like you. New member or group lifer, personalities will clash.

2. For the newcomer: you're coming into an established group. The other members know each other and it may be a little hard trying to fit in, but you've been invited into the circle so your foot is in the door. Coming off like a know-it-all is not going to endear you. Remember, you're the person changing the status quo. Be polite, listen, and learn the group dynamics before you stir things up.

3. For the group, the new person is like a kitten, trying to mark a bit of territory for him/herself. Everyone needs stake a bit of 'space' in the group. You invited this new person in, so give him/her a chance to step into the waters. They may be in defense mode because you're all strangers, and he/she is unfamiliar with hierarchy, procedures, etc. in the group. Chill, lean back, and let them get their feet wet as you all familiarize yourself with the new dynamics.

4. Politeness matters--for everyone. What will you accomplish by insulting the group? You will get asked to leave. What benefits are there to disparaging a newbie? There's going to be a blog post ranting about your cold welcome. Professionalism counts! If you must vent, do so at home, with a non-writing pal, family members, or your partner--in private.

5. If the worst happens and the invite needs to be rescinded, when the newbie (or even an established member because circumstances change) walks out the door, end of discussion. For those getting 'uninvited,' swallow your anger and hurt. After all, if the group isn't a comfortable fit, do you really want to stay and be miserable? Of course not, so just move on. There is a group that works for you out there, keep looking. Neither side should run to Facebook, Twitter, blogs, or websites heaving their guts about what went down. It doesn't look good or bode well for the person spewing the vitriol.

What makes me sound like a know-it-all (and I don't, I'm just a 'know-some-of-it')? I've had a critique group for a number of years and people have come and gone. Some I was sad to see leave, but they had their reasons. Others, I couldn't wait to shut the door behind them (and lock it so they couldn't get back in). That's the human condition--agendas, personalities, expectations, needs, perspectives, and experiences lead to conflict (as if the world situation/history weren't proof of that!).

Group not working out? Say thank you for the invite, but you need to go elsewhere for what you need/want. Individual not working out? Apologize for the situation that leads you to ask them to find another group that is better suited for them. Then, everybody HUSH! See, easy!

The publishing world is tough enough without us turning on each other like cannibalistic piranhas.

Be good to each other!

Char