A Poem at Month's End... And a Warning to Editors...

 In honor of National Poetry Month, I'm posting a revised edition of a poem I wrote a number (too many to admit to) years ago. At the time, it was a contest winner on the Write Side Out blog/website (which no longer exists). For everyone who's tried or is trying to get a traditional publisher, this is for you:

Mr. Mink is looking at you, Editor 

Dear Editor, I Have Your Cat

Dear Editor,

I have your cat.

What, no contract?

To Monserrat,

I'll ship your cat.

Refuse to deal?

There's no appeal,

cat's fate you'll seal.

I swear, for real.

Oh, change your mind?

Your cat you'll find

once contract signed

and deal we bind.

Don't want too much,

just fame and such,

fat check to clutch,

then lunch- NO DUTCH.

Ignore this note,

and this I quote,

cat packed on boat,

and then I'll gloat.

What can you do?

Except boo hoo.

Choose- cat or you.

My book debut...

Exclaimer here, I have two rescue cats currently and would never hurt any creature (except spiders that invade my personal space, i.e. inside my house and alligators in my pool). So I'd probably only steal the cats and secretly keep them. ;) 

Char

The Best Writing Isn't Always a Novel...

Or a play, a poem, an ode, a short story.

Sometimes it's the directions for a surge protector.

Because I (generally) follow the rules, I read the directions on a new surge protector (the kind where the sockets swivel to accommodate bigger plugs so that they don't block two outlets).

Here's some of the brilliant writing (and I mean that sincerely!) in the directions:

We truly hope it gives you peace of mind with your electronics and provides those added outlets where you need them most (not to mention, the snazzy new shape will encourage you to prominently display it in full view of your friends, colleagues, and pets).

This guide is not a replacement Yahtzee score sheet nor is it a map of the San Diego Zoo.

Logon the ol' interweb and head to our website to register your new PowerCurve3.4. It'll initiate the rock star treatment you so richly deserve...

Surge energy joule rating: 1080 joules (a joule is a measure of how much energy a surge protector can take before it bites the dust).

Response time... <1 Nanosecond

Please follow these cautionary statements. If you don't, your PowerCurve3.4 might break, your warranty will be voice, and you will b very unhappy with yourself.

Use indoors only and do not use near water. You listening, SCUBA guy?

Do not plug things in that will exceed the electrical ratings (see "Pointy Headed Stuff").

If you're feeling all handy and want to alter or repair your PowerCurve3.4... Don't.

Read it. Know it. There will be a quiz.

Advanced surge protection.....It's there waiting to act on your behalf when evil transient voltage rears its ugly head.

Green "grounded" Light...If this light doesn't come on, no bueno, use a different outlet. 

Blue "protected" Light...This peaceful beacon tells you everything's alright. If it goes out, your PowerCurve3.4 has absorbed a surge and sacrificed itself to save your devices. Shed a tear, then replace it.

On/Off Switch- For turning your PowerCurve3.4 on and uh, off. It also acts as a reset in case you're runnin' si hair dryers and trip the internal circuit breaker. Hint: don't do that.

Super Quick Setup:
1. Plug stuff into your PowerCurve3.4 Surge Protector.
2. Plug your PowerCurve3.4 into a grounded wall outlet.
3. Standard fist pump.

I'm still laughing and enjoyed this more than the current 'bestseller' I have on my nightstand. A shout out to 360 Electrical LLC for coolness. Concise information with a humorous twist. AND they got most of the punctuation right! (Minus 1 point for using 'alright' instead of 'all right'.) Kudos, tech writers! You have a career in writing!


Char