Clear Your Desk!

Monday was National Clean Your Desk Day.

I wasn't totally successful.

Things I didn't clear/put/throw away:

1. My trusty thesaurus (it's the blue book on the corner). While my laptop has a built-in thesaurus, it's not as comprehensive. My laptop version gives a few examples, my worn paperback gives more than I can use, but the right word is always there. Since I'm in the middle of revisions on two middle grade novels, that precious baby is staying right there.

2. That pile of magazines stacked next to my laptop. I want to read them, have to read them, need to read them. But... I'm reading several novels, writing, revising, outlining... I don't want to take time from them to read articles on PR, etc. The perfect opportunity to go through and read is during the commercial breaks of a TV show or the NFL playoffs. If my beloved Patriots don't make it through to the Super Bowl, there will be no excuse on a Sunday not to read those mags, take the useful info, and toss the rest.

3.  That little red can.... of chocolate. As part of my New Year's goal is to work smarter, I've allocated myself one piece when I finish something on my to do list. And it can't be just anything, like washing the kitchen floor (done) because that's not important or related to my writing. Finish the blog post and query two agents? Score! Nothing like a little cocoa bean incentive.

4.  Various papers (scattered). They are bits of novel notes that need to be filed or tossed once I've incorporated them into the respective novels. Another is an outline for a romance novel I want to write. One is my darn To Do List. I need to deal with them one at a time. I'm determined to clear my desk by the end of the month.

5.  Old agendas (under that stack of white paper which is the latest mg novel). I go through my old agendas and transfer any important info into my new agenda. Things like birthdays, book festivals, conferences and awards submission dates, contact info I've scribbled down, and again, more novel notes. I don't rely solely on my phone calendar because that's crowded with stuff like doctor, dentist, music practice, volunteer, etc. appointments. And if I lose my phone (as I have been known to do), and don't have a backup, well, I'm just in a really bad place. Always have a backup!

I've made the deadline to have my desk cleared not in one day (that's just too crazy and impractical and stress-inducing), so by the end of the month is completely doable. That's the secret to writing or anything else- be practical, know or try to anticipate limitations, and work smarter.

Char

Leaving It All Behind...

No, I'm not running away to a cult or hiding in a cave. I'm just leaving all those things and people behind that need to remain in 2016.

I like to start the New Year fresh and new, no recycling here! Here's a partial list:

Manuscripts that don't work. Much as I love the story, some just won't work because of timing, plot flaws, or other reasons. They'll go in a drawer (like a few others) and will collect the dust of time until maybe one day they are resurrected. Sleep well, my children.

Negative Nancys. There are a few people I need to dig a moat against. There is enough sorrow, heartbreak, pain and suffering. Some people seem to thrive on negativity and maybe I'm too sensitive, but I can't deal with the constancy. I wish them luck and happiness.

Stupid tasks. What is the point of pulling out the refrigerator every year? No one sees under there, except a stray ant. When the refrigerator is pulled out for repairs or replacement, then I'll vacuum and wash the floor. Who'll know the difference, and I won't waste time doing it. Shhh, don't tell anyone. I'm sure there are many, many more time-wasting activities that I can cut.

Unnecessary stuff. I'm donating clothes that don't fit or I don't wear, cleaning out books, housewares, vases, furniture, etc. I don't use anymore. I'm beginning to understand the value- the serenity and peace- of empty space.

Stress. With my digestive issues now under control, I need to address how I handle stress. Nasty comment on social media? I can scroll on, hide or unfriend, no reply is necessary. Difficult person? Walk away. Bad situation? Spend time with people and activities that make me happy and give me time to work through the problems. I have to take better control of how everything affects me, even if it only works for my benefit and to someone else's detriment. 

Don't deny myself experiences (rather than things) that make life sweet. We have limited time on this orb so not taking advantage of all the wonders available to us is foolish. Life shouldn't be about acquiring things, but memories.

If it's broken, or doesn't work anymore, throw it out. That's mechanical things, relationships, or arrangements. Like some old time traditions, New Year's means sweeping out the dust and detritus. 

Wishing you all simple, priceless treasures of love, happiness, and contentment in 2017.

Char

Going Into Survival Mode....

This is what Thanksgiving looked like:

The food began with the antipasto:

(Obviously my husband is Italian, so we started with this traditional dish before we moved to the pasta, then the turkey, then dessert.) When we were finished (six and a half hours later) this is what I felt like:

Now the Christmas/Channukah/New Year's season has begun. I love the holidays, but yes, they can be a bit frantic. There is so much I want to do: see concerts, decorate, get together with friends, visit family, revise that NaNoWriMo novel, do well at books signings, etc. Sometimes it can make a person anxious, depressed, angry, sad, exhausted, disappointed, and/or afraid. For those of us with loved ones-family or friends-who suffer from a chronic condition, whether it's a physical or mental illness, it's important to keep a handle on things that are stressors. The National Alliance on Mental Illness put together these guidelines which they share every holiday season and I want to pass along to everyone:

1)      Talk with one another about your expectations of the holiday season. In particular ask your loved one what they envision as the best scenario and then discuss your own… make concessions on both sides and have a plan for dealing with problems.

 

2)      Anticipate problem areas such as situations that your relative (and you) cannot handle well.

3)      Make some strategic plans for handling these potential hot spots.

 

4)      Remember, visitors can always rent a hotel room. Neither you nor they have to stay with extended family. Limit time exposed to relatives or friends that hurt more than help.

5)      Develop a secret code that means “get me out of here!”

6)      Don’t let adult children fall back into the “child” role when visiting.

7)      Don’t over-schedule yourselves.

8)      Work on creating good memories.

9)      Start new family traditions. Do what is most comfortable.

10)   Remember to focus on your relationships and not on getting things done.

11)   Make time to have fun or attain peace and quiet.

12)   If there’s something you really don’t want to do during the holidays, say so.

13)   Be gentle with yourself. The ideal holiday doesn’t exist.

14)   Don’t compare yourself with others, or judge yourself or others.

15)   Find a place where you can be completely alone each day even if it is just for a little while and retreat.

16)   Prioritize what is important – Eliminate what is not.

17)   Learn the difference between complaining that relieves tension and complaining that causes it.

18)   At the end of each day focus on what is good.

19)   As you fall asleep make a realistic mental list of what is crucial to be accomplished next day. You really should blank on this one because nothing beats taking care of yourself and your loved one and avoiding stress is important.

20)   Learn to say NO, thank you.

21)   Holiday cards … not really necessary … or just write them out as you get them from others if it bothers you.

22)   Gifts … does anyone really need another kitchen gadget? Give the gift of time or food. Discuss in advance that you won’t be exchanging gifts, very understandable in this current economic environment.

23)   Decorations … keep it simple. Don’t make work for yourself unless it is a source of relaxation and pleasure.

24)   Visitors, company … Holidays are too intense. See them after holidays. Set aside a time. Large crowds can be disturbing and bring about different opinions and expectations. Our ill relatives don’t understand that when company is there your attention has to be focused on them.

25)   Go out and do something different … go to a movie, walk in a park, ride the ferry. You do not need to do anything.

 

26)   Make plans that exclude your ill relative – if it is ok with them then it should be ok with you. Guilt should not be part of the decision.

 

Some helpful websites:

 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness http://www.nami.org/

PsychCentral holiday survival guide: http://psychcentral.com/holidays/

Psychology Today holiday tips: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-without-anxiety/201212/10-tips-surviving-the-holidays

There is nothing to 'celebrate' if we're miserable, so I wish you all a comfortable, peaceful, holiday.

Char

Artwork courtesy of Microsoft Clip Art
Holiday list courtesy of NAMI of Somerset County

Cleaning Out The Old Year

The old year is like a manuscript that I've been working on. There are some bright spots, some frustrating ones, a number of disappointments, a lot of work left undone, moments of sheer wonder, and potential for so much more.

Unlike the manuscript, the old year can't be changed, but I can take lessons learned from both:

1. Nothing is all bad, there is always some good. Even if it's only a moment or a sentence, I will find something awe inspiring.

2. Likewise, nothing is perfect; there is always room for improvement. I just have to be open to making changes.

3. There will always be a gem in the rock pile and I will find it if I search hard enough.

4. Sometimes I have to let go of something--whether it's words, pages, the whole manuscript--or people, ideas, goals--that can't be saved. Moving on, even if a project held promise, a relationship was long, or goal was almost reached, can be the right, if painful, path.

5. I need to stop: wasting time on regrets, being unwilling to adapt, refusing to accept when something isn't working, and allowing others to steer the course of my life.

I wish you all the best of health, the most happiness, and as much success as you can handle.

Char