Dear Derp...

Or Herpa-Derp if you're a female. (I realize I'm violating the Rule of Cool by using this word as it's only to be employed by teens, but bear with me. I'm desperate.)

Back to Derp and/or Herpa Derp. I don't know who (or what) you are, but you call all the time; from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. (You SERIOUSLY have no life. Pathetic.) When I answer, you don't. Really? If you're letting a computer dial my number and hope I'll hang on for a time so then you'll pick up when you hear a person's voice, then a) you're too slow, b) that's totally rude and unacceptable, and c) after failing so many times, one would think you'd give up. But, I guess stubborn persistence being one of your few talents, you keep on.

So, if just a few of the ten thousand people who hit Natalie Zaman's blog for her Derp post  http://nataliezaman.blogspot.com/  call "Unavailable" (that's the name that shows up on caller ID) at 1-800-XXX-XXX and annoy the hell out you like you have been doing to me, I figure we're square. If anyone finds out who this pest is (bet you wish you listened to your parents and studied harder so you wouldn't be in such a loser telemarketer job where everyone hates you), please let me know and I'll do a follow up post and let everyone else know so they can further annoy this Derp. Or Herpa Derp.

If you're working for a charity, then I hope they'll change their methods. Constantly harassing me with phone calls will not get you any money, and in fact, you will lose donations because I'm going to post which charity you are. If you're a political person (I'm an Independent, so I don't care who you are), I won't vote for you and will make sure I tell every person I can--and this blog will help--not to vote for you. If you're a university or college looking to interest my son in applying, you can cross yourself off the list because I do not want him to go to a college where you employ such low class methods; God only knows what you'll teach him. If you're anyone else, why they hell are you bothering me?

So, let's all get on our phones and call Unavailable at X-800-XXX-XXXX so they leave me the F alone.

Have a nice day! :)
 
UPDATE:  The number belonged to Federal Express. (that's why I removed it.) There is a package coming for my son, but why they don't have a better system for notifying me (uh, email anyone? real person to make call?) is beyond my guess since they are a multi-billion dollar company. And if no one answers, WHY DO THEY KEEP CALLING? I work mostly from home, and generally let calls go to voice mail because I don't want to be interrupted when writing. Unless you're a spouse, child, family member, co-author, agent, editor. And ESPECIALLY if you don't identify yourself. And if you're a telemarketer, I'll ignore regardless.

Mystery solved.

Char